


your pain in all my veins

by mish_mish



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-16 03:09:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 23,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14803232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mish_mish/pseuds/mish_mish
Summary: Soulmate au, where you feel the pain of your soulmate.What can be more unbearable than pain, physical or emotional?The pain that spreads through the body, boils in the veins and weakens the legs, and it’s time to start hating the one who makes you suffer so much, but that’s just not possible, cause he is the most necessary. The one without whom you can’t breathe deeply.Tony Stark’s heart, that stops for a moment, and then excruciates him with unbearable pain for weeks. Stephen Strange’s hands, where each bone is shattered almost into dust.This feeling is heavy and painful, which you want to erase, from which you want to get rid of.





	1. Stephen

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【授翻/奇异铁无差】your pain in all my veins/尔之痛楚，附诸吾骨](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15732564) by [Clover_cherik](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clover_cherik/pseuds/Clover_cherik)



[ ](http://fastpic.ru)

Pulsating pain, formed somewhere under the heart. The pain that is not yours, that belonging to another person, but which feels like your own. The pain that a soulmate feels. The pain that flowing through the veins to the scorched initials on the wrist.  
Stephen Strange doesn’t feel this connection, he’s interested in the concept of soulmate marks, he’s interested in the invisible connection of people with each other through destiny, but he doesn’t feel his soulmate and their bonds. He looks at his own mark with the thin letters of the initials of someone else’s name, _AS_ , that on his wrist stood out like a burn, and didn’t feel the taut thread between himself and his soulmate.

By the time the people started talking about him, as the most promising young surgeon, Stephen almost forgot about the existence of someone else’s initials on his wrist.  
Stephen Strange lived like most of the people on the planet, not really caring about his soulmate. His life was completely carefree, until 2008, when a terrible pain in his chest knocked down his legs. Everything hurts like hell. There was a feeling that splinters were scattered all over his body and pushed hard against the skin, under the ribs, straight to the heart. Everything passes quickly, and Stephen stands leaning on the table, and tries to catch his breath. His mark burns and signals that his soulmate is in pain, but Stephen can only clenches his teeth and suffer.

After the first outbreak of pain pass about three months, and the new one does not follow, which makes Stephen feel relieved. He works as usual, flirts with Christine and doesn’t look at her wrist - there not his initials anyway.  
Stephen Strange looks at the TV screen in the staff break rooms, and feels mark itching on the wrist. Three months Tony Stark was listed as missing, and now he’s stands infront of camera, beaten, but alive, and declares that he is closing the production of weapons of his company. Stephen looks at him, at his dark shirt and his chest, as if looking for something, but turns away indifferently. He doesn’t care.


	2. Stephen

[ ](http://fastpic.ru)

Stephen Strange lives an ordinary life; spending money on an expensive car, and almost doesn’t pay attention to easy prick of pain and bruises from falls. But only Stephen himself doesn’t fall, avoids any kind of similar actions, afraid to harm his hands.  
The thought that his soulmate is an impassable suicidal, who can’t finish what he started, irritates Stephen when he wakes up in the middle of the night with a pain in his leg, or feels that his soulmates shoulder is dislocated. At such times, he often gets angry and turns in bed, unable to close his eyes. Stephen looks at the letters on his wrist at night, at this unfortunate _AS_ , and scratches bulging edges with his nails, feeling only the warmth of his skin and the beating of his pulse. Nothing else. 

Christine Palmer smiles at Stephen easily, but he doesn’t feel her mood. His muscles and bones ache painfully, nothing more. Looking at the girl, he thinks about whether her soulmate is causing her the same pain as his. Continuous pain, as if this _AS_ allows to beat yourself so easily that Stephen has already managed to get used to bruises.  
“You don’t look very well. Are you all right?”  
“Me? Yes.” Stephen reaches out his hand, puts his wrist right in Christine’s hand, “but this person, it seems like no.”  
Stephen expects from her a specific answer, effective advice, because a woman should be interested in such nonsense as a connection between people that doesn’t lend it to any explanations that simply exist.  
“So you have no idea who it could be?”  
Christine is already known the answer: to find in this world your soulmate is almost impossible, the chance is miserable, but she should still ask to be sure that Stephen is still alone, still not fixated on someone else.  
“Even if I did, it doesn’t matter,” he looks back at the nurse who slips under his arm and smiles wearily.  
“Dr. Strange, I’m sorry to interrupt, but could you come to the intensive care unit? Dr. Koldwick asks for your help.”   
This ends their conversation, and Stephen busy with work, again fences himself off from thoughts of his soulmate. 

The weeks pass and Stephen suffers these painful flashes that are more annoying than cause sympathy for his soulmate, and he even manages to suppress them. He even gets used to it, until one day at work, something happens.  
Stephen slightly bends over the patient, removes the last tumor tissue and feels how his fingers refuse to move. Everything starts going grainy and an irresistible pain spreads across his body. His legs are weakened and Stephen falls, clutching on the operating table. It hurts so much that it seems as if he is dying burns from within.  
“Jesus, Stephen! Are you okay? Do you need any help?”  
Christine looks worried and Stephen is not sure that someone can help him. He is not even sure that with such a wild pain you can survive, because the wound of his soulmate should be serious, because even he hardly stood on his feet. Perhaps he has no more soulmate. Thought somehow doesn’t upset him, but makes him think, for the first time to really think about the mark that’s on his hand. 

This is the worst day in Stephen Strange’s opinion. And no, he didn’t oversleep, he didn’t forget his wallet at home, he didn’t even begin to argue with his colleagues. Every muscle ached, pulsed with a lot of pain, but bearable, like a trophy in victory. And Stephen knows that his careless soulmate is alive, and, probably, is now in the hospital, which, no doubt, will continue to torment Stephen with new bruises.  
And all right, if only this, but these fucking news that once again shows this damn Tony Stark, again with bruises, talking about some kind of yesterday’s incident on the roof. Stephen looks, touches the convex letters AS on his wrist and groans softly. _Anthony Stark._  
Stephen Strange has never been an idiot, but he didn’t believe in similar coincidences, only with Tony’s words that he is an Iron Man, he understands everything.


	3. Tony

[ ](http://fastpic.ru)

Bonds between people.  
This imaginary red thread that connects people and plays with their feelings. A fairytale Tony never believed in.  
What can this connection give him? He never wanted to feel anything from his soulmate. He wanted to forget that there is this absurd reality where there is a person, which is completely for him. Reality, where he himself is only for his soulmate and no one else. Tony doesn’t like it, he wants more. For him the marks on his hands are just a beautiful birthmark, not otherwise. Two perfectly hatched _SS_ that only irritate with their ornate curvature.

Tony Stark very rarely looks at the wrists of people around him and almost never seeks his soulmate on purpose.  
Tony never felt that the connection somehow works between them. There wasn’t even the slightest wave of pain, not even a bruised finger. Tony thought he was alone in this world and these damn _SS_ are just a malfunction in the system. He is sure that he himself has repeatedly knocked the air out of the lungs of his soulmate with his own pain.

Tony thinks about everything except his soulmate. He thinks about Pepper and, without a doubt, she is the best thing that has happened to him, and for the first time he regrets that the initials on their wrists are different.  
He doesn’t have the feeling that he is doing something wrong, something that separates him from his soulmate. With this thought, he recalls the words once said by his mother:   
“The mark doesn’t tell you who you need to be with, Tony. It doesn’t determine your destiny, but just tells you who your right one is. He doesn’t have to be the only one. The choice is always yours.”  
Maria Stark never had her husband’s initials on her wrist, just like Howard’s. The name of his soulmate was different on his skin. But they were different too, in love. The way like Tony thinks he can love Pepper.

With the pain that spreads through his veins, _his own pain_ , what is the point of thinking about fates and these tales, when to meet this one single person, his soulmate, there is almost no chance. Especially, when Tony dies at an impossible speed.  
Tony frowns and touches the reactor in his chest, in which palladium kills him and carries poison through his veins. And for the first time Tony hopes that if someone is there, at the other end of this imaginary connection, this _SS_ feels his pain and realizes that he is dying. Perhaps he will even pity Tony Stark if he doesn’t breathe a sigh of relief. But in response there’s only silence, the usual blank emptiness, no pain. Nothing.


	4. Tony

[ ](http://fastpic.ru)

There is no discomfort. Tony sips in his chair, kneads the numb muscles and scratches the tip of his nose. Coffee that cooked somewhere about half an hour ago, not at all as invigorating as that stated on the package. Maybe that’s why Tony doesn’t drink it. He ignores it, like almost everything except the projection of a new version of Mark.  
Pepper steps into his studio, clicks her tongue and once again reads the notation, but looks on him carefully. Tony ignores her, hoping that now he will find the answer to his mortal puzzle, he will find his element suitable for the reactor.  
“Tony.” Pepper leans her hip against the edge of the table and doesn’t look angry, but tired. “You can continue tomorrow, just go to sleep.”  
“We have an infiltration here, Jarvis,” Tony’s voice sounds surprisingly cheerful, but his gaze is broken, as if he’s crippled from within.  
Pepper sighs and leaves alone, rubbing her wrist, and Tony looks after her for a few seconds before deciding that he will beg for her forgiveness tomorrow.  
Tiredness remains after Pepper, as if she specifically dropped it here, so that Tony will got infected with it. Leaning back in his chair, he covers his eyes and feels like something is vibrating inside of him, starting from the walls of the reactor and further along the veins. His own pain, never his soulmate, and suddenly so bitterly, as it happens only in such late evenings, when Tony sits up to the morning and twists his thoughts in repeat.  
Does it hurt? At these moments when his whole body is racking him from old wounds in battle. Looking at the neat _SS_ on his wrist, Tony sighs. Did he think about trying to find his soulmate? Did he try to solve this equation, where their connection with his soulmate is broken? Tony knows that he can easily find this _SS_ , but he just doesn’t want to. He feels that this is not what he needs to do. Tony never felt the need for his soulmate. And now he feels like something pushing him at this. Figures on the toxicity indicator, thin black strips that are spreading across his chest from the reactor.

Tony hates it. He feels completely vulnerable without his suit, but there is no fear, as if it had evaporated along with those hours of life that takes away by the poison of palladium. But that doesn’t mean that there are no other feelings.  
It hurts like hell, when Vanko hits the asphalt with his electric lash, when he pulls down the race car from the track, when he pulls Tony out of the seat and hits his face directly on the asphalt.  
Tony is angry, but suddenly he feels, really feels, how someone pressed their palms to his chest, where the pain is most unbearable. And this feeling is so crazy, because there is no one around, and there, on the other side of the bond, someone is intolerably hurt because of him.

Realization comes much later when he sits in his hotel room in Monaco and puts ice on his cheek, which hurts wildly, but not the way his head is cracked and his whole body aching. And it is then that Tony realizes that he is not alone, that somebody is still there. Someone, just like him, is shaken by the pain that doesn’t let go off Tony, which burns him in a hellfire, and then buries him in smoldering embers. Someone feels it all, someone suffers all this. He puts his hand to the prominent letters on his wrist, not thinking about anything specific.  
Pain. Now, it seems as if he remembers that every last time when he was almost dying, he felt something, but the feeling was imaginary, unreal. It could only be a hallucination caused by adrenaline.  
Stark doesn’t believe in this imaginary feeling and adjusts himself to the usual: he forgets about it, drowning deeper in his bitterness and such a perceptible death on his tongue.

Is he happy? Is it possible to be happy not next to someone who destined you? Tony is sure that yes. He feels more than happy next to Pepper. The initials on her wrist are different, but Stark is convinced that this is not such a big problem. He is confident that they can choose their own destiny, and Pepper is ideal for him. And these _SS_ don’t mean anything; just remind that even in the universe there are disruptions in the program.  
Tony looks at Pepper Potts, kisses her and doesn’t feel that he is doing something wrong. And somehow he doesn’t even feel bitter from the fact that he plays not according to the rules. He is not the first who doesn’t seek his soulmate, who finds someone new, but this feels wrong anyway. The feeling of someone else’s hands on his chest, when it hurt the most, doesn’t go away.


	5. Tony

[ ](https://ibb.co/cdvSnd)

It’s not so important, just the letters on his wrist. Just a name engraved on his fate. Tony doesn’t pay attention to this, as if there is nothing, because he already has someone to look at. 

When Phil Coulson appears on his doorstep with an urgent matter from Fury, Tony hardly wants to participate. But Pepper insists, and his hands itch to get down to work, no matter how much he denies it.

Nothing happens yet when they capture Loki in Germany, and no echo of foreign heat through Tony’s veins while he fights with Thor.

Tony exhales quietly when he talks to Bruce Banner in the lab. They are looking for Tesseract and discussing the S.H.I.E.L.D., and Tony is glad, incredibly pleased to have a conversation with a person who understands every word he says, whether it’s a scientific term or an easy joke. With Bruce it’s suddenly easy, as if he knows in advance what Tony wants to say. And for a moment, Tony is ready to argue that somewhere in the universe something has been messed up and on his wrist, if not Pepper’s initials, then Bruce Banner’s really should be. But there is still this _SS_. 

While Bruce talks about how uneasy he lives with the Hulk, Tony looks at Bruce’s wrist to make sure that they are not really meant for each other. Noticing the massive _T_ , that almost pressed into the Bruce’s skin, Stark quickly looks away. He doesn’t look at the second letter, although he doesn’t need it, because he already understands that there is someone else for Bruce. After all, fate is unlikely to use abbreviations. That’s why his _“Tony”_ can’t be here on Bruce’s wrist.  
Tony again reminds himself that he doesn’t want to look for anyone. After all, he’s doing so well. 

“The gamma readings are definitely consistent with Selvig’s reports on the…”  
“How’s this?” Tony interrupts Bruce, points with a quick movement on his wrist and doesn’t pay attention to his surprised look.  
“What are you talking about?”  
Tony Stark doesn’t feel that he is getting into something personal, cause for him there is almost nothing private with other people, so he repeats his question at ease. Bruce looks down at his mark. It’s unlikely that someone ever asked about it, and Tony feels himself to be special at this point.  
“It doesn’t matter,” Bruce begins softly. “No one will want to share their destiny and life with a monster that only destroys everything. Transformation into the Hulk’s pretty painful, Tony. My soulmate must have hates me for all the pain that I’ve caused him.”  
"Then I’m scared to imagine what awaits me when I meet mine.” Tony grins and taps the reactor with his finger, “especially with this circle of light. It was painful, probably.”  
Bruce smile and with some sadness adds that he would like to know what it feels to meet his soulmate. Tony doesn’t share this opinion, keeps to his own that he doesn’t need to know anything about his soulmate. He tells Bruce that he doesn’t need to look for his soulmate, and Banner sighs. He doesn’t look for anyone, but he still wants to. It is embedded in the genetic code as the only true wish.

Tony thinks about his words for a short moment and agrees with them, takes them somewhere deep inside of him. He would like to know what it feels as well.


	6. Tony

[ ](https://ibb.co/hhfAf8)

When Tony hears the buzz of working engines he tastes bitterness on his tongue. When he hits the blade and falls down under the running turbine, Tony senses how the metal shavings are ripped off his suit. It's not as painful as it may seem, but not as pleasant as he would like. This only distracts Tony, as well as the another person's voice in his head.  
"When it will be finally over?" Screams this voice unhappy filled with fatigue and pain.

It seems like an illusion. As if the turbine's howling creates this auditory hallucination, so Tony doesn't fixate on it and yells to Rogers that he hurries and turns the lever. Tony doesn't keep in mind this voice, because there's no time to. Because every minute counts and they need to stop Loki. They all need to protect the city, they all have to do so many things, and not think about the voices and the connection of soulmates.

He must once again break himself into blood, tear himself apart. What can Tony Stark do to solve this problem somehow? What at least one of them can, besides just live with the adoption of a mark on their hand? Did any of their team find their soulmate? Did they get along with their soulmate? Have they met people better on the way? Was there a choice?  
Tony looks at Natasha's wrist, which is covered with a suit cloth, represents whose initials might be there and doesn't guess at all. He doesn't remember, although he saw it when she worked under cover about a year ago as his secretary. He cannot remember even a simple thing: was it a consonant or vowel letter that stood first.

Fury speaks roughly, throws bloody cards with Captain America on the table and Tony cannot stand it. He gets up and leaves, suddenly feeling that he can no longer be there. His thoughts are confused; he is angry because of Phil’s death and are embarrassed with his interest in the marks. This strange craving to think about words, that his soulmate may scream in his head and about the hands that pressed to his chest. To think about all this pain that he make another person feel. And Tony is sure that his soulmate, if he is real, hates him capitally. He would have hated.


	7. Stephen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters are so small, because they are written for tumblr, but with the next parts I will try to make them longer. not so much, but still.

[ ](https://ibb.co/exdPSo)

How many years has it been so that Stephen had to grind his teeth and endure? How many years of unbearable pain and quiet anger at Tony Stark, who seemed to be looking for ways, how to fall more painfully, how to break his hand smartly, how to die with style.   
Stephen is difficult to answer these questions, sometimes he doesn’t even want to look for answers, suddenly fearing what he finds out.

Stephen Strange isn’t counting the days since the first signal of pain in his chest, but he knows that it’s been about a year and a half since he realized that Tony Stark is his soulmate. That it was his initials that were burned on his wrist.  
Although this knowledge doesn’t give anything to Stephen, just a slight annoyance from the fact that his soulmate was a man. However, even this fact doesn’t particularly worry him. Stephen could live with this.   
Perhaps the only useful thing that this knowledge gives him is that now Strange knows who to blame for the prickly painful outbursts between the ribs. But to his own surprise, Stephen rarely blames Tony. In the end, Stark is Iron Man, and being on the verge of death seems to be a bonus to the duties of a superhero.  
Only such a prospect of sudden pain all over the body doesn’t tempt Stephen. Tony’s pain distracts him, and sometimes it comes to the fact that Stephen cannot even get to the dining room in the hospital. He has to lean against the wall of the operating room and thank the nurses who bring him water and apples from the buffet.

Of course, if Christine finds out that he knows the name of his soulmate, she will immediately force him to organize their meeting. But Stephen doesn’t want to meet Tony. He doesn’t want to see Stark, doesn’t want to know even in theory what will happen, if they touch each other in a handshake.   
Stephen doesn’t want to deal with this. He prefers this pain from a distance, without knowing Tony, without feeling anything for him, except for regret for all his torment.  
So, when Christine again asks him about his soulmate, while noticing how Stephen grimacing in pain, he just shakes his head and quickly corrects the shirt cuff.


	8. Stephen

[ ](https://ibb.co/kWNTA8)

Stephen can’t say that he hate this feeling. He got used to it for a year and a half, and there are no particularly strong flashes of pain for about two months already. Everything is fine until he is called to a working conference in San Francisco. Everything is fine until the moment when a portal with alien monsters opens in New York.

In the midst of the discussion of innovative technologies that will be used in the operation in neurosurgery, Stephen already knows that something is wrong. His mark doesn’t feel like it burning, his chest doesn’t boil with pain, but it is unbearable compressed all inside, like a signal that _it’s here_. Right now it’s bound to _hurt_.   
News about what is happening in New York on all channels, and Stephen can easily guess who will save this world again. But Stephen doesn’t even look at the TV-screen. He sits with his hands clasped, and he moves his fingers along the bulging _AS_ on his wrist.   
It’s not so painful yet, everything is still under his control, and he can still breathe calmly. But Stephen knows that this is only calm before the storm. He feels his bones scratching and his veins howling, as if preparing him for something.  
And it’s easy for him to guess what it is. Especially when goddamn Tony Stark flies with the nuclear missile into the alien portal. Everything happens in seconds, and the bright armor of Iron Man is no longer visible against the gray sky. It seems like everything it’s over. Stephen feels like his head throbbing with pain, and his throat dries up. Stephen grabs the edge of the table, but it doesn’t help and his legs are weakened anyway and his heart skips a bit.  
“Dr. Strange! Are you okay?”  
People crowd around him and help him to get up, but the fog in his head is so dense that he can’t get to his own thoughts.   
Dr. Silist, a man no older than Strange himself, places Stephen in a chair and looks intently, trying to understand the cause of his condition, but knowing it already in advance. It seems that it’s easy to guess, because what is happening on the TV-screen is the most transparent hint.  
He looks at the Stephen’s wrists that are hidden by the cuffs of his shirt, and doesn’t ask questions, only glances from Strange to the TV-screen and back. And Stephen suddenly feels so dull and empty inside, so unusual and foreign, as if there was no connection between him and his soulmate.   
But it’s not. He knows what’s wrong, because everything plays with different tonalities of pain in his body, and Stephen is sure that Stark is still alive, because this lucky bastard just can’t be dead.  
“Come on, Stark,” he whispers barely audible, but yells in his chest.  
Stephen knows that Tony heard him, knows that he opened his eyes and maybe already says something stupid about his almost death.

Suddenly, all this wishes for the soulmate to cease to survive seem as if erased. Because it was too real that he can lose his soulmate. It was too much emptiness in all veins without him.   
And Stephen desperately hates Tony Stark because he has no idea what to do without him.


	9. Stephen

[ ](https://ibb.co/kVn10J) [](https://ibb.co/gMLbZd)

Is he angry with his soulmate? Does he hate him?  
Stephen Strange wouldn’t say that what he feels, when the pain burns his whole body, is hate. Yes, it irritates him, but there is no hatred. After all Stark saves thousands of people’s lives. And yes, it’s hard to constantly endure the pain, not knowing what exactly is happening and how serious Tony’s wound is, but as a doctor, Stephen is confident that he will be able to understand when Stark is on the verge of death. Perhaps, he will understand what kind of injury he has, but he will not be able to help in any way.

Changing on ordinary clothes and finally going home, Stephen looks at his watch and sighs softly. When did Tony Stark’s pain pierce him for the last time? About a month ago, isn’t it? Now he doesn’t feel anything in his chest. Now there is no special news about the Avengers or the Iron Man, and this pleases Stephen endlessly. He needs to take a little break right now.  
Checking the keys to the car in his pocket, he remembers the time after the invasion of alien creatures in New York and realizes that maybe this was one of the hardiest months for Tony. This pain was easy compared to the others, when Stark was dying, but it seemed like it was endless. His panic attacks woke Stephen in the middle of the night and barely allowed him to sleep after a twelve-hour shift.

Stephen doesn’t remember how many times he was fractured because of someone else’s pain. Everything seems to be in a fog, but he remembers one particular moment. Last month, the newspapers reported that Tony Stark was dead and that Mandarin had destroyed Stark’s entire house. He remembers holding this newspaper in his hands and looking at the headline, but not believing what he is reading. It can not be true, because he would have felt it! And yes, he felt all the pain that Tony felt while they crushed his house, but there was no such wild agony that would say that his soulmate is dead. So the newspaper flew into the trash can, and his palms almost instantly pressed to his chest. And Stephen hoped that if he presses harder, he will feel how someone Tony’s heart beats. And felt it.  
Stephen Strange intuitively knew that Stark was alive, but he tried not to mention it to anyone. He didn’t want anyone to know that he and Tony were connected by their soulmate bonds. Even Christine didn’t know such details, although she was interested. There was once something very small between them, but now Strange doesn’t feel it. Tony obscured everything, pervading almost all of Stephen’s existence with his pain.

Then something strange happens. Something that Stephen had never felt before. A wave of painful fear, which makes him freeze. It was not like Stark’s usual panic attack. It was not like anything he ever felt, and Strange could hardly understand what was going on. He can not feel Tony at this level, cause it’s not physical pain, it’s something mental.  
Stephen only sighs and leaning back against the couch. What kind of a mess has Tony gotten himself into? After all, this wildest fear, as if smeared with scarlet flares, as if someone is playing with his mind, can not be transmitted by their connection.  
This feeling passes quickly, and Stephen only covers his eyes after that. Perhaps tomorrow, he will hear about Stark or about the Avengers from news reports, or maybe not. He doesn’t care to be honest. He feels that Tony is alive, and that’s enough for him.

Stephen hears of Sokovia from the news, like everyone else. He frowns slightly and squeezes his fingers. He almost didn’t feel anything, as if Stark didn’t take any part in saving the city and fighting with robots. And he wants to ask Tony to be more careful, but Stephen can only sigh and continue to choose what clocks to put on today’s forum for neurosurgery.  
He looks at his reflection in the mirror, straightens the bowtie and stretches out slightly lazily. He doesn’t know if he wants to go to this event, but after a quiet week, Stephen believes that he can afford to relax. According to news reports, the Avengers now put things together after what happened in Sokovia, they equip the new headquarters not in Stark’s tower, and Tony himself doesn’t suffer any more pain.  
Stephen sits in the car and conducts a casual dialogue with Billy, who offers him a list of patients that are eager to get to the reception to the best neurosurgeon. He lazily reviews the medical history, and when his car pulls off the road, Stephen finally wakes up Tony Stark with his pain. His car jumps on the mountainside, turns over and maybe only miraculously doesn’t explode.  
Stephen at this moment almost doesn’t feel anything, which can not be said about his soulmate.


	10. Tony

[ ](https://ibb.co/kxuGaJ)

Everything trembles inside him. Tony gets up from the sofa, which is located in his workshop strictly for these days, when he completely buries himself in work, and Friday reminds him that he hasn’t slept for two and a half days already. Stubborn Tony Stark doesn’t listen to her. He drinks bitter coffee and moves his trembling fingers on the projections, until he feels how the initials on his hand begin to gently tingle.   
Tony seems that everything that he feels from his soulmate is an illusion, an imaginary reaction to wishful thinking. He ignores this, but not always successfully, not always with a one hundred percent guarantee.

And now it’s about the same thing: he massages his nose with his fingers, leans his head back on a soft decorative pillow and covers his eyes for a moment, knowing that behind closed eyelids he sees a city rising in the sky. Bitterness on the tongue torments him, and Tony wouldn’t refuse to get drink, maybe drown himself in alcohol, as he hadn’t done for a long time, but he was too tired to even get up from the sofa, let alone go in search of booze. And Tony almost falls asleep, almost breathes out quietly, when not a minute passes, and intense pain breaks him.  
This pain is not like the one he felt ever. It seems to bind and scrub him from the inside, breaks his ribs, without breaking them, and squeezes his chest under the press. Tony suffocates, falls from the sofa to the floor of the workshop and can’t get up about three minutes. Everything is get blurred, his whole body turns into one flaming nerve, and his hands seem to break in half. Tony struggles to hold back the cry and presses his forehead against the cold floor, waiting for the pain to recede.  
“Friday, what’s happening to me?” asks Tony, when the first and the biggest wave of agony ceases.  
“Physical damage is not observed, Boss. No sign of cardiac anomaly or unusual brain activity.”  
Stark is not surprised, already assuming what Friday will tell him.  
“Probably, the source of the pain is not yours. I dare to suggest that these feelings come from your…”  
“Soulmate,” Tony exhales even more calmly, and pulls his hand to touch his chest, but it trembles as if it’s still in agony.

Stark doesn’t want to believe that this is finally his soulmate. He doesn’t want to feel it, but he can’t subdue the desire to throw himself into search for him. Echoes of another’s pain in his body don’t go away, they signal that everything is serious; they repeat that the soulmate is still alive. That he is exists. Tony was so used to not paying attention, and he so perfectly learned to live without signs that he has a soulmate, that now he doesn’t know what to do.   
All the cells in his body vibrate from painful sensations and there is nothing left to do except to just struggling to breathe, gasping for air.


	11. Tony

[ ](https://ibb.co/m43Wh8)

Last night Tony didn’t get a wink of sleep. Remnants of pain rolled to him in small waves, and do not let go, and that feeling seems familiar to Tony. It’s like if he landed unsuccessfully in his suit or crashed into the building, but it’s not about the suit and his flights, it’s about something more serious, something that feels like an accident. Tony is sure that if there was an explosion, he would feel the heat, but he does not feel it, and this brings an incredible relief to Tony. If there was an explosion, his soulmate would most likely not survive.

“Without a doubt, it was an accident …” Tony leans back in his chair and slaps his fingers lazily at the edge of the table.

“Do you want me to make a search by the number of yesterday’s incidents, boss?”

Tony pauses for a moment; does he want it? Does he have this desperate desire to know who his soulmate is? Maybe later he will regret about it. Maybe he will be disappointed right now, but he agrees anyway.

“I’m starting a search.” Friday’s voice finally making it clear what’s going on, and Tony waits for results with a sigh. “517 matches found. Accidents of all kinds and extents of damage per day around the world.”

“Limit the time intervals.” Tony says, rubbing his neck and looks at the screen where Friday displays the files. “From nine in the evening to two in the morning, I guess. Filter out a small accident, there must be something serious.”

“Do I need to search you soulmate by the names of the victims?”

Tony freezes. Is it worth it? Does he want to know? What will he do with this knowledge? He is not sure that everything will be the same as before, if he learns about his soulmate more than he already knows.

“No, no need. Just make sure that everyone is alive.”

“Boss,” Friday calls, as if she insists, but Tony still feels that he is not ready yet. “There are four suitable cases. To one of the victims, the rescue service has not yet come forward. Hurry them?”

"Yes, give ‘em hell! We do not want to get my soulmate died in some ditch, right?”

Feeling how his eyes start to hurt, Stark rises from the chair and barely keeps himself on his feet. The pain burns with every movement.

“Report back to me when everyone will be in the hospital. I’ll go and try to lie still, looking at the ceiling and thinking about how damn beautiful this soulmate connection is.”

Tony would not say that he hates this thread, but he does not experience any joy either. Has his soulmate experienced all this pain, all these torments the same way? Does he know that Tony Stark is destined for him? Could he calculate it? Tony can, but he stops Friday anyway, feeling like everything vibrates inside of him in protest; he is not ready yet.

So Tony just falls down on his bed, covers his eyes and thinks that it’s good that Pepper is not around him right now. He could hardly keep himself calm in front of her, feeling how painful it was to his soulmate, how much he was suffering.

____


	12. Stephen

[ ](https://ibb.co/nB0s9o)

It hurts. Pain stretches all over his body, but not the kind to which Stephen Strange is used to. It is not at all like Tony Stark’s pain; it seems to be flavored with a good portion of an anesthetic, which only clouds all sensations with haze, covers them with fog, but does not take it away. Stephen is hurt, and this pain is his own.

It takes time to Stephen to open his eyes, as well as to take a deep breath, as well as to try to turn around. Everything is wildly unpleasant, everything is terribly understandable. He got into an accident and now lies in his own hospital, where he works, where he almost lives.

When the sight stops blurring, Strange feels the cold in his body: his hands.

He looks at his hands and does not recognize them, does not understand where his fingers start. He sees only stainless steel pins. The heart is pounding with a frantic rattle in his chest, and he hardly hears Christine, who bows over him and speaks in such a sad tone.

“It took a little while to find you.”

Thoughts switch in his head from one to another, buzzing with an admixture of pain, but Stephen still tends to do something, to make sure that it’s not true. The extra movement bears fire on his bones, and the only thing Strange remains is to listen to Christine and look at the battered, mutilated mark on his wrist. Now it’s Stark’s turn to endure, right?

Stephen frowns, clenches his teeth and with annoyance understands that he can hardly move his hands, not to mention the fingers. He closes his eyes and thinks about how exactly his pain is affected Stark. Does he feel anything at all? The selfish idea that Stephen would like to see how Tony writhe in his agony as he did for so many years.

Stephen seems to have become accustomed to it, as if he has merged with the pain in his hands. He can hardly distinguish the time when it does not burn so much. It seems that it just does not stop. It takes a week from the moment he got to the hospital, and finally, the pins are removed, but Stephen does not feel any joy. He looks at his palms, at his trembling fingers and scars. What should he do now? How can he live with this now?

Accusations of incompetence of doctors, in an insufficiently well-conducted operation, in these mutilated fingers are poured by poison from Stephen mixed with despair so concentrated, that Christine no longer listens to him and leaves.

Strange spends a week at the hospital, walks regularly to rehab and feel angry every time he can not open his fingers in the simulator. Everyone says that he miraculously survived, and Stephen hardly thinks that what happened is something miracle. He lost the most important in his life and can not return in any way.

Turning on the bed, so forgotten for all that time while he was in the hospital room, Stephen exhales heavily. His hands ache and hurt, his bones whine and do not let him fall asleep; only allow him to close his eyes. And Strange clenches his jaws, squeezes and unclasps his palm, suppressing the infernal pain, and feels like every muscle, every tendon trembles. And he is sure that Stark feels every crack in his bones, every howling cell, and every torn nerve. And he’s really sorry.


	13. Tony

[ ](https://ibb.co/ngwps8)

It does not stop. Tony gets up in the morning, hardly having a couple of hours to get a sleep, and he feels like his whole body is burning from the inside. Tony really pities his soulmate; he feels pain everywhere, but particular in his hands.

Their connection pulsates in agony, almost bursting at the seams, and Tony drinks a lot of painkillers, which does not help, which only covers painful seizures with a crust, but does not heal it. Endure it turns out better than Tony imagined, but the pain still take his breath away sometimes.

The pain does not torment him constantly; it comes and goes in waves, leaving behind a bitter taste on his tongue. And Stark completely reconciles with it, gets used to it and quite occasionally requires Friday to report to him on the state of the victims. He still not sure that he wants to know something about his soulmate, but he just can not let him go so easily. It breaks Tony when he thinks that someone so important to him is almost there, almost near him, Tony needs just stretch out his hand.

This happens on one of the days when Tony is sitting in his workshop, working on DUM-E, who managed to break his claw. At first, Stark does not feel anything new, but when he reaches to the other end of the table to get some coffee, he can hardly hold the cup in his hands. The trembling rushes from his wrist, and further along the bones to the tips of the fingers, and the pain that accompanies it, is so imaginary and foreign. Tony raises his hands to the level of his eyes and sees how they shaking with a big shiver.

“Friday,” although Tony does not wait for an answer, he knowing what was going on.

“Shall I bring our four victims to the screen?” Tony seems that he hears in the voice of his AI a mockery, but decides not to pay attention to it. “I can put them in alphabetical order, or better do it by the time they were getting into car accidents?”

“No need, just find something that can stop this tremor.” He looks again at his trembling hand and sighs, “I can not work.”

Friday pauses for a brief moment, for which Stark rubs his nose and thinks about how seriously injured is his soulmate. For Tony is hard to tell based only on the sensations, but he assumes that his soulmate had about two operations.

Tony looks at his trembling hands, knowing that the tremor does not belong to him, but to another person who suffers and also torments him.

His soulmate had four fucking surgeries on his hands. Four damn painful surgeries and hardly any success, because Stark feels this pain and this trembling in his fingers anyway. And it seems to him that everything that his soulmate tries to do in vain. The fact that his soulmate repeatedly falls under the surgeon’s knife, hoping to save at least something, causes pity, because even Stark understands that if the surgery is the fourth, it’s need to stop.


	14. Tony

[ ](https://ibb.co/cBFZX8)

Natasha easily touches Tony Stark’s shoulder and looks at him with worry, which she hides inadvertently, without even realizing that she is doing it - the long experience of a spy affects. Tony looks at her, rubs his cheek with his hand and thinks with regret that he would like to see Pepper here instead of Romanoff, but Pepper made it clear that this will not happen. At least not now, not when Tony continues to sacrifice himself for the sake of this world and writhe from someone else’s pain. She does not really know about Tony’s soulmate, but that’s not necessary. Tony does not want her to know and think, that once the connection with his soulmate is activated to such an extent that the pain is felt as his own, it can interfere his relationship with her. However, Stark is not entirely sure that they still have this relationship.

“How are you? You look pale.” Nat does not take her eyes off him, and Tony’s a little annoyed by her habit of peering into eyes; he does not even doubt that she is already aware of why he is not feeling well.

“Everything’s fine, as always,” Tony does not think it’s a lie, but he also does not think its right to tell her the truth, because she already knows what’s going on.

Natasha looks at his wrist, obviously wants to say something, but she only sighs. She does not raise this topic for half an hour, until Stark frowns again because of the sharp pain in his hand. It’s like something is tearing away, and Romanoff does not wait any longer. She gracefully sits down on the pouf in front of Stark and looks intently at him. She looks at Tony, expecting that he will begin to explain himself, but Stark is stubborn as well as her, so the confrontation between them does not last long.

“I still don’t get what’s stopping you. We both know that you can find your SS in a snap. So, why don’t you do something about it?”

Tony glances at Nat and does not think how better to explain to her what exactly does not allow him to rush into the search immediately.

“I did not think you were so worried about my personal life. As I never could imagine that the time will come, when I’ll listen to your advice.”

Stark tries to brush it off, but Natasha only frowns and licks her lips, trying to hide the winning smile. She already knows that Tony will tell her everything. She knows that he needs to do it.

“Okay. I’m not sure things will change for the better if I meet with my soulmate. Maybe it will only get worse.”

“Or maybe it will not be so bad. Maybe it will not be so painful, Tony. You’ll never know if you sit like this, burying yourself in your sadness.”

She touches Tony’s shoulder with her hand, gently squeezes her fingers in support, and nods to the exit. Tomorrow she, along with Steve, Sam and Wanda, flies to Lagos, to search for Rumlow, but, as always, she does not miss an opportunity to give him an advice. Tony himself is preparing to appear tomorrow in New York at a ceremony at the university, where he will present his new project and announce that he has funded all students’ projects.

“Everything can be not as bad as it seems to you,” says Natasha, leaving Tony Stark alone with his thoughts and another’s wave of his soulmate’s pain.


	15. Stephen

[ ](https://ibb.co/inceKy)

He underwent many procedures, and all of them were a waste of time. Yes, the trembling in his hands became a little less, but Stephen still barely held the pen and could hardly eat properly. Stephen Strange fully aware of how serious his injuries are to his hands, but can not accept it.

He spends his last money on treatment, but nothing changes. His fingers is still trembling, only the scars become larger. And his despair is so strong, so overwhelming that his last self-control breaks down. Stephen is rude, he almost spits poison at those who are around, whether it's an ordinary doctor, a guy from a rehabilitation center or even Christine. It seems that he is drowning and does not feel anything, except this pain and bitterness.

There is such a strong feeling that he is broken inside, shattered into small pieces. And it seems to Stephen that he suffocates from his own despair, because he has no idea what to do now. He lost his hands, he lost almost everything.

With all this wave of feelings, Strange almost forgets that he is connected to someone. He does not feel Tony's pain, and he does not think about him until he sees an article in the news that Stark funded the projects of MIT students.  
Stephen does not think about it. He looks at his trembling hand, which can not correctly write even his fucking name, and wonders if Stark feels his pain. The pain that drags through his veins slowly and poison him, turning his whole life into hell.

Does Tony feel that his soulmate is slowly dying in despair? Stephen would like the answer to be yes, but he also does not want it. Stark suffered enough from his own pain, that's why Stephen does not want him to feel his agony. But Stephen can not control it, because fate decides everything for them.

Strange does not read the article, but he looks at the photo of Tony standing on stage in a black expensive suit. He is smiling with a satisfied, but false smile. It's not visible in the photo, but Stephen knows it anyway, because he so often felt the echo of this feeling along with Stark’s pain.  
Scrolling news about new methods of treatment, he still thinks about his soulmate and their connection. Stephen sighs and buries his face in his hands. He was so tired of searching, tired of thinking, tired of the pain all over his body.


	16. Stephen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all very much for the comments and kudos! It means the whole world to me, that you like this story and that you are worried about these two stubborn idiots, just as I do. I love you very much, guys!

[](https://ibb.co/fC3YZy) [](https://ibb.co/c6697J)

It’s been three weeks since the accident.

Stephen can hardly fall asleep. He finds it difficult to find a comfortable position, so that his hands do not hurt so much and his broken ribs do not ache. Usually Stephen almost does not sleep. He squeezes his hand on the Hand Extensor trainer until all his bones start to burn with fire, and fatigue does not bring him down on his bed.

He lies on his bed, looks at the shadow patterns on the ceiling and is afraid of accidentally moving at least one finger, because the pain immediately hits him with the red-hot poker on an open wound. He is almost on the edge of tears. Stephen does not get to sleep, only tightly covers his eyes and balances on this thin line between sleep and reality, dreading to feel pain, but feeling it anyway.

Sighing heavily, Strange clenches his teeth and suffer, until he feels how someone softly touches his hands. The touch is gentle and barely perceptible, and such an unexpected, that is why Stephen holding his breath. With this touch the trembling in his fingers almost stops, and it’s like something warm is pressed against his aching bones.

Stephen does not open his eyes, fearing that if he does, then the feeling of relief will go away, so he concentrates on it, clinging to it. He knows that on the other side of their soulmate connection Tony is so tired of Stephen’s pain, so he tries to do something, to touch their connection somehow. And these feelings are hardly comparable to something; Stephen feels Stark’s hands on his, as if he is really next to him. And these touches drown out his pain, make Stephen think only about his soulmate, who mentally touches him.

“Stark,” whispers Stephen, begging Tony not to let go of his hand and continued to hold him. And in response he hears tired voice: “Could you quit these damn exercises on your hands for at least a couple of days? It hurts like hell.”

Strange wants to answer with a smirk, but he reminds himself that there can not be any kind of dialogue with Tony. After all, their connection does not work like that; it’s not a damn phone. He is not sure that he did not imagine this phrase.

Stephen does not want to shake off this feeling, this warmth and safety, which were sent by his soulmate. He does not want to return to the pain, to the tremor that shakes his hands.

Stephen falls asleep quickly, and the next morning to his own surprise, he feels himself a little bit better. At least, his headache does not bother him anymore. But something else is disturbing him. Jonathan Pangborn. The patient, paralyzed from the mid-chest down, who start walking again.

***

Kathmandu is colorful and warm, although Stephen’s first impression was twofold. At first, the city seemed dusty and dirty. Now, after an hour of walk, saturated with the scents of sand and spices, the smells of sun-burnt fabrics and something extraordinarily new and ancient, Kathmandu seemed to be buried in history.

The city is full of life, but such a different from New York. Stephen had traveled before, but never in that kind of place where people put blankets on the road and sell handmade amulets on it.

Passing along the main street, where he was brought from the airport by a hot and stuffy bus, Strange looks around. He spends about half an hour walking along the main street leading from Tamel to Durbar Square, which is full of temples, stupas and small statues. He asks passers-by about Kamar-Taj and does not receive an answer until he meets a man who looks like a monk. The man points him to where to go next and tells Stephen something in an unfamiliar language.

So much time wandering around the city, passing temples with unusual ornaments, Stephen Strange does not find what he is looking for. He goes around the main stupa of the Square and with his trembling hands touches the prayer wheels. The stupa is surrounded by dozens of temples and monasteries, where Strange is already in vain asking questions that no one answers him. And now, alone in a crowd in the heart of a foreign city, a foreign country, Stephen feels so lost and tired, but still full of hope.


	17. Tony

[ ](https://ibb.co/h21JsJ)

It seems that this meeting has dragged on, but for the first time Tony does not want to interfere. He does not want to do anything at all. In his head is a mixture of bitterness and regrets from which he does not hurry to get rid. He thinks of Charlie Spencer, who died in the Sokovia. He thinks about Pepper, who has limited her communication with him to an unusual minimum. He thinks about his soulmate, whose pain is still tormenting him, but not that much.

Tony can do nothing to somehow make it ease, to somehow help. Nothing, except for these damn Accords, which to some extent can tighten their wounds. Maybe Pepper will take it well and come back to him. Maybe there will be no more unforeseen battles where someone’s child will die, and maybe his soulmate will not suffer from Stark’s painful agony during the battle. Maybe this decision will help to somehow keep their dispersing organization afloat. What happened in Sokovia still haunts each of the Avengers, but that incident in Lagos last week; it’s like the last drop that drowns them.

Tony looks up from his distant seat and gaze at Wanda; she looks broken, but behind these scarlet walls, which she erected around her, this is not immediately apparent. But Tony recognizes this look, because he sees it in the mirror almost every day. And he feels sorry for the girl. He, like no other, knows what it’s like to bear the burden of guilt on his shoulders.

At the time when their Secretary of State leaves the headquarters of the Avengers, Stark already knows what to expect; a stream of verbal outrage and indignation begins.

Tony explains why this prospect of signing the Accords will be convenient for them. He talks about Charlie Spencer and passes his hand over the forehead, feeling a light headache. He wants to think that this pain from his soulmate, but he knows that it’s his own.

When Steve hurries out of the building, hiding the whole storm of emotions from the news of the death of his friend, Stark finally feels something new. It’s like someone pushing him into his chest, knocking the air out of his lungs, but without pain, in a completely new way. It’s like something unimaginable, something beyond understanding, and Tony hopes that this is not another trouble that his soulmate is going through. He hopes that this is something harmless, because recently for both of them this innocuous almost does not exist.

Tony does not feel anything else, and that feeling disappears quickly, but at the moment he still wonders if everything is okay with his soulmate. He thinks about asking Friday to find out about it, but he can not even say a word, because in the doorway he is stopped by Rhodey. He touches Stark’s shoulder with his hand and asks him about his health. Tony does not really look well, but he says that everything is fine. He says that his soulmate is discharged from the hospital.

“Tony, I understand everything,” Rhodes begins with a sigh, “This Accords and the fact that Pepper left you, and even your soulmate had an accident… Maybe you’ll take a day off?”

“I’ll do it as soon as everyone signs the Accords.” He nods, pats Rhodes on the shoulder in response, and leaves quickly, so that his friend does not stop him.

“I hope you get something better than I have here,” Stark sighs and touches the curly SS with his fingers.


	18. Tony

[ ](https://ibb.co/h94iBd)

Tony understands everything. He damn well understands Steve, but can hardly accept his actions and decisions. Yes, he is protecting the one who he cares most about. A man, whose name is engraved on his wrist. But now he obviously is cross the line. Barnes is still an international criminal, and Steve should think not only about himself, but also about what his decisions will do with the Avengers. Tony tries to convince him that he is going the wrong way, but it turns out to be more difficult.

They are in Berlin, sitting in a glass box where armed people look at them from every corner, and Tony feels that there is too much pressure on his nerves. What the hell Steve is going to do if the outcome is crystal clear. But Rogers is quiet and ignores Tony, throwing quick glances anywhere, but Stark.

They fail to engage in dialogue; it balances on the brink, and no matter how much Steve does not try to throw it into nothing, Stark laconically corrects the topic and returns to dialogue. He is struggling to do everything right.

They look at the cage in which the Task Force holding the Winter Soldier, James Barnes, and Tony realizes that this is his last chance. He tries to convince Steve to act reasonably, but he knows that it is in vain. Steve Rogers has the initials of his best friend’s name on the wrist, and Tony knows what that means.

He looks at these neat JB on Steve’s skin, and realizes that no matter what he tells Steve, he will hear, but will not listen. And Tony does not blame him: somewhere deep inside him knows that otherwise can not be. Soulmate is the most important person in life. And, maybe, if Tony knew his own soulmate as well, as Steve knows Bucky, he would have done everything for him, too. But not the way Steve does, without drowning everyone around.

Steve can not do otherwise, and from this stubborn position of Steve, Tony sees how everything is falling apart.


	19. Stephen

[](https://ibb.co/g203cT) [](https://ibb.co/fPBWWo)

In vain Stephen Strange thought that if he went so far away from Tony Stark, he would be able to dull their connection. It’s more like something pulling them closer to each other, even more tightly, more sensitively.

Stephen does not follow the news in Kamar-Taj, but he knows that something is wrong when he feels pain through the body. Ancient One looks at him with understanding and some kind of indulgence, when, during a lesson in the courtyard of the temple, Stephen retreats back from sudden pain and bumps into the person behind him. The man is holding Stephen by the shoulders and with an accent asks if everything is all right, but Strange has no idea if everything is fine with him.

Because of this, his concentration is lost; the last golden sparks disappear and no longer appear, no matter how much he tries to create a portal. This angers Stephen, it even irritates him when the Ancient One advises him to find harmony with himself and his connection, obey to it. How can he accept this connection when it is electrified with pain and bitter, when it connects with a person who seems to be breathing with this pain? Stephen cuts himself off on this thought and sighs, realizing that he has gone too far. He, in fact, himself tortured Stark with his own pain for a month.

He nods, and then turns out to be thrown among the mountains in a terrible cold. Stephen knows that lessons can be cruel. He knows that sometimes it’s the only way to achieve results, but all his attempts to create a portal again fail, because all his thoughts are only about frost. The cold binds the movements and no matter how hard he tries, Strange can not concentrate. His hands are trembling not only from injuries and torn nerves, but also from the initial stage of frostbite, and light shoes seem not to be felt at all on his legs, as if he is barefoot on the icy slopes of Mount Everest.

Stephen invests his last efforts in the creation of the portal, but still every attempt ends with his cursing. Maybe that’s when he feels how something is changing, as if a wave of new sensations is rolling in. And inside of his veins, along with blood, warmth flows when Stephen tries again to create a portal. The warmth is so pleasant, so needful, that can only be given by the soulmate.

Another attempt, where Stephen imagines Kamar-Taj and creates a portal, but thinks about Stark and therefore nothing, but dim sparks appear. Now this warmth seems to be in the way, because Stephen thinks only about it, only this warmth he wants to touch.

Stephen exhales slowly and covers his eyes, falling deep into himself. He thinks about the words of the Ancient One, about the fact that he needs to obey, and he hears from their soulmate connection with Stark, a phrase is transmitted by vibration:

“Are you going to turn into an icicle, soulmate?”

Stephen almost gasps from this intensity, and almost with relief he thinks that it is not a fucking imagination, but only an echo of thought, flavored with a strong desire and pain. Perhaps, the more acute their connection, the stronger it is impregnated with pain and bitterness, the easier it is for them to hear each other. This can not be called dialogue, Stephen is not even sure that Stark knows that his soulmate hears him, but it suddenly seems so necessary, such a good bonus to all suffering.

Stephen turns out to create a working portal from the third time, which will definitely lead to the temple, and not somewhere else. Stephen falls directly to the stone floor of Kamar-Taj, feeling like he suffocates from the cold, how every bone in his body trembles, but finally, pleased that he can cope with it.

The feeling now seem much sharper when Stephen thinks about Stark. It’s like Tony is tense to the limit, like a bare wire, ready to punch, if someone touches him. And Strange has no idea what is happening to his soulmate and how he can help him.

Everything seems to be dusty, buried in piles of sand, and, shoveling it, Stephen wants it to stop whining under his ribs, and no longer harming Tony’s wounds.

He thinks about how Stark held his hands and pacified his pain. Should not they have been to ignore it? Do not they need to have to stay away from each other? And now they are drawn back into the warmth that only soulmate can give.

Stephen reads in news reports that Captain America is now a criminal, and that King of Wakanda has died in Vienna, and that the Avengers are now dangerous to society and the government urges them to sign a treaty limiting their freedom of action.

Stephen does not read much, but he already understands that he should be prepared for what might follow from this news. He quickly learns all the knowledge of sorcerers, and he hopes that now it will be easier to put up with sudden attacks of pain. At least, it’s much easier now to get to their connection with Stark.


	20. Tony

[ ](https://ibb.co/iQ58my)

Everything is falling apart, and Tony blames himself for that. He could not keep the Avengers from split, could not protect them, could not do anything. He sits in a chair in his three-piece suit and apply ice to the black eye began to swell under the eye. Steve Rogers broke everything completely.

“You all right?” Romanoff asks the question, and Tony automatically lies, realizing that, maybe, Nat does not care about his health.

“Always.”

Bitterness in his voice and look is enough to understand everything, and Natasha touches his shoulder. She promises that they will find Steve and that everything will be fixed, but Tony does not want this. He’s already tired of it. He knows that this will only lead them to a collapse, because Steve will not back down. He still does not voice his thoughts, clings to all the last chances that Secretary Ross gives them, and thinks that he would gladly feel the wild coldness through his veins from his soulmate, than all of this.

“They’re soulmates, did you know?” Tony does not know why he asks her about this, why he even starts this conversation with Nat, but the word has already been said.

“What?” Romanoff looks back at him, slightly raises his eyebrows and quickly understands what it is about. “Steve and Bucky? Are you talking about them?”

A weak nod and a look on his own mark on the wrist.

Somehow it is unusual not to feel the pain in his hands. Yes, it’s still there, barely perceptible, but that’s just is not enough for Tony. He wants to clutch to this connection, as when he felt an inexpressible hellish pain in his wrists and mentally touched someone else’s hand, prayed to this connection so that the pain of his soulmate would become a little easier. And Tony even heard his name, a vibration transmitted through their strained bond. As if his soulmate already knows who he is.

Their connection is not as sturdy as Steve’s with Barns, but it’s existed; now he knows it for sure, but still does not fully understand how you can throw everything like that for a one person.

“Steve told me about this when we found out that Hydra had captured the SHIELD.” Natasha’s voice is torn him out of disorderly thoughts and Tony is slightly stunned at her looking around. “And you?”

“It’s hard not to notice when he does not even hide his mark.” Stark shrugs, taking the ice from his face and frowning slightly.

“I meant, did you find out something about your soulmate?”

Tony does not want to say that he does not dare to overcome this trait, because he was never as close as he is now. Friday tracks the steps of all four potential owners of the mark with his initials. He himself is not yet ready to know more, but even his self-control almost bursts at the seams. He responds with a negative nod and silence, obviously hinting to stop this conversation and Natasha understands and weakly nods, leaving Stark to reflect on the plan.


	21. Tony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, I know that this part is pretty short, and I'm sorry for that   
> but the next one will be bigger

[ ](https://ibb.co/hzYOG8)

The whole trip to Queens Tony is buried in his thoughts, but as soon as he arrives to the place, he gets distracted. Peter Parker is like a little babbling hurricane, which, without a doubt, is impressive. And Tony really does not want to involve him in these disagreements between the Avengers, but otherwise just does not work. He explains the boy a dozen times what exactly is required of him. He repeats to Peter that he does not need to fight close, because if something happens to him, Tony will not stop blaming himself.

Happy is not happy with a noisy chatty passenger. He grumbles through his teeth, but tolerates every question, every admiring sigh of Peter. Tony does not seem to hear anything; he automatically looks at Parker’s hands, as well as on the wrists of all the people he meets for the first time, and thinks about what this boy’s soulmate will be. Maybe it would be some clever girl with a sweeping S-letter in a name. A girl he might never meet. Maybe he will not even be able to know her full name, and will simply live, wondering what it would be like if the soulmate was closer, closer than any other person.

Tony has this opportunity. Tony has everything not only to find out the name, but to find his soulmate, but he does nothing for it. He looks at the wrists of Peter Parker and knows that right now this very thought is one more step towards soulmate. Do not run away from him, as he always did, but to him, because like a magnet is drawn to him.


	22. Stephen

[ ](https://ibb.co/d6CSm8)

Stephen Strange breathes deeply, leans his hand against the wall, but still does not stay on his feet. He settles on a wooden floor corridor of Sanctum and covers his eyes, hoping to drown out a sudden attack. He already felt something like that from Tony, but now this cacophony of emotions is much brighter, much more intense.

It seems that it burns from the inside with acid, as if all that once healed, now is cracking at the seams. Stephen is so irresistibly sorry for Stark, because he feels how his long wounds rip, how his anger boils in his veins. The wildly desire to rush there where Stark is, and not just sit here on the floor of Kamar-Taj. Stephen wants to try to do something, because the sensations suddenly frighten him, flood him with despair, which can not be overshadowed by anything.

Stephen knows that this will lead to terrible consequences, but he can not do anything about it. Regardless of how many times he mentally repeated to Stark to calm down, Tony does not seem to hear. However, he should not hear, but now their connection is so tense, so vibrating with intensity, that, maybe, Tony will hear this echo.

And then pain is added to all these feelings, and Stephen is ready to howl. He covers his eyes and feels every punch that Stark does, every blow that he misses. It hurts almost everywhere and almost everything in Tony’s heart is torn.

“Strange,” Stephen does not hear Mordo’s voice and does not notice his presence until Karl lifts him to his feet. “What’s the matter? Is this Stark again?”

He does not answer the question, nor does he ask how Karl knows about his soulmate. Instead, Strange only grasps his shoulders more tightly, when he feels another blow. He thinks about what exactly is happening now with Tony: did someone again attack a certain city, and the Avengers fiercely fight with the enemy? Stephen sinks in conjecture and does not notice how Mordo takes him out of the corridor to the northern meditation hall.

“If it’s so hard to endure, shut himself off from him,” He gives advice. “You can put a barrier if you feel that you can not handle the connection.”

Stephen does not even listen. He does not want to shut himself off from Tony; he does not want to leave him alone now, when he is almost on the edge. He wants to be with him at least that way, even if only ghostly, but still be, because he understands that, if he shutting himself off now, this will be tantamount to betrayal. And this, Stephen knows, can not be allowed. Not now and not with Tony.

“No. No I can not,” Stephen exhales and leans his back against the wall.

He does not have better options than stand and wait until everything stops. But nothing stops: anger becomes electrified, resentment increases with wild speed, and the pain becomes even more tangible. It seems to Stephen that Stark is fighting to the last broken part of his suit, to his last breath, knocked from the lungs by a mighty blow to the chest, over the head, under the ribs.

Strange almost breaks in half, while he hears how inside of him everything is signaling that everything is bad and that something needs to be done, and he stretches his trembling hands forward. The golden sparks flash and go out when Mordo abruptly interrupts Stephen, dropping his wrists forcefully and looking at him more surprised than angry.

“Are you out of your mind, Strange?”

“I need to see him,” Stephen raises his hands again and feels his friend’s touch again. “You do not understand…”

“Everything with your Stark will be fine,” Mordo is firm and adamant. “He’s a bloody Avenger, and his teammates will help him if the situation demands it.”

Stephen looks up at the man and does not know how to explain to him that now everything is different, that he does not feel that someone will help. Stark does not feel that someone will help. Therefore, he ignores common sense and again tries to create a portal, until he hears soft steps behind him and the voice of the Ancient One.

“Leave him, Master Mordo. Let him try.”

After the words of Ancient One Karl retreats and gives complete freedom to Strange, but Stephen suddenly does not know what to do. He looks at his trembling hands with a double ring on his fingers, and so persistently drives away the thoughts. He’s doing something wrong, right?

He covers his eyes for a moment, plunges into Stark’s senses and tries to find something that will lead to him, point the way, and give at least the slightest hint. Sparks fall from his fingers, and Stephen really does not understand why it’s impossible to create a portal. He had already learned how to use them, but now, when it’s necessary, only scores of sparks are obtained.

“Why?”

“Perhaps you forgot that most portals are created to places you are familiar with, which you can remember and imagine,” Ancient One gently taps her hand with a fan, and Stephen watches her with such a sad look that she exhales softly. “There are, of course, those that are sent you directly to the person, but this requires a spell to at least approximately know his whereabouts. And, of course, you will need time. I’m sorry, but this time you can not get to your soulmate, Stephen.

Strange feels bitterness from her words. There is that slowly rolling the wave of pain of Tony Stark, who is no longer beaten, who is no longer dealt random shots, completing this battle by aiming a blow to the chest. Perhaps he is being beaten by the reactor in a suit, because Tony is still alive, his heart is still beating, but everything seems to be chapped and dusty inside him, Stephen can taste this in his own tongue. And the desire to still be close does not leave, pulls forward a magnet, because, in addition to all the aching after the battle wounds, all broken bones, Stephen feels an irresistible yearning and wild cold.

Strange feels bitterness from her words. There is that slow wave of Tony Stark’s pain who is no longer beaten, who no longer receives random shots, completing this battle, striking the chest. Perhaps he is beaten in a reactor in a suit, because Tony is still alive, his heart is still beating, but everything seems shabby and dusty in him. And the desire to be close does not go away, because, in addition to all the wounds and all broken bones after the battle, Stephen feels an irresistible yearning and wild cold.

"I want to help. He’s hurt,” Strange squeezes out of himself, looking up at the sorcerers.

“Apparently not this time,” says the Ancient One with sadness. “I’m sorry.”

Strange nods and runs his hand over his face, hoping that someone will help Tony. He hopes that his soulmate’s pain will stop, because the only thing that he can do now is constantly repeat to their connections, to his wrist, where the initials is, that he is here, that he is near, although in practice it is extremely far.

He’s been whispering all night to Stark that there’s someone who cares about him, and that he’s not alone. Only once Stephen accidentally says that he needs Tony, and that he does not want to lose him. He does not notice how he pronounces it, but Stark seems to be knocked by a new wave of light heat, which is put off deeply and is remembered as extremely important.


	23. Tony

[ ](https://ibb.co/fomgWU)

  
  


It seems like he does not feel anything as if erasing all of his nerve endings.

Tony Stark feels completely empty and lost, crippled from within because of treachery and lies. Tony does not really want to blame Steve, but the mother’s voice from the videotape that he saw in Siberia, tearing out the last sensible thoughts. He would like to forgive Steve, he would like to return everything to what it was, but he’s all died inside.

Tony hides everything behind the mask, behind the glasses, behind the false smiles, and at night he’s basking in the connection, which is still native, which yet does not hurt, but tingles with the intensity of their thrust. Tony tries not to think about it when he takes Parker back to Queens. What else can he do, except how lazily to respond to the disorderly barrage of questions and admiring responses?

It seems that the working routine, to which Tony has been accustomed, gradually returns, except that the Avengers Tower is now empty. Tony also appears less often in it than he would like. He is sitting in the workshop, designing a new suit for Peter Parker. He distracts himself with work. He tries not to think about Steve, he tries not to remember that now there is no one left. From Thor and Bruce are still no news, Rogers, Wilson and Wanda are hiding from the government, even Natasha is no longer here. She left with them. The Avengers crumbled like a house of cards, and Tony could do nothing to stop it.

In fact, Tony does not feel like he lost everything. Pepper and Happy are still beside him, and Peter does not quit and is eager to fight, that Stark thanking to heaven, that the boy still wisely executes orders not to climb onto the trouble, but everything else has worn off. No more the Avengers, only Vision in the tower alone. Tony is ready to say with full confidence that everything is not getting better, but it does not get any worse, as if life gives him a breather a little so he can breathe.

And maybe Tony would have taken it more calmly, but when he feels the first blow and the pain that’s flowing through his veins along with the blood, it’s like tearing off the last valve. The blows follow one after another and doubt that his soulmate does not participate in a simple brawl, but in something more serious begin to creep in after the first portion of pain.

Tony is not in the tower right now, he is not even in the office of Stark Industries, he is driving the car on the main road of Manhattan, and when the second wave of pain rolls by a sudden impulse, he pulls out on the roadside and hastily leaves the car. He leans on the open door and breathes deeply, trying to throw off a painful obsession, but it turns out he has it with difficulty.

Tony suffocates and falls on the rubble. It seems that the black acid wound is spreading from the left lung that burns and clamps the small fragments of sharp glass under the skin.

The pain retreats for a moment; lets Tony catch his breath and touch his fingers to the wrist watch.

“Friday, what about our potential candidates for the role of my soulmate? Nobody is dying right now?”

“Boss, I dare say that the information bases are not being updated at the speed with which you feel pain,” AI says reproachfully. “No one has yet asked for help in the rescue services.”

“Let me know when this will change.”

Tony does not argue with her, but still clenching his teeth in pain. How does his soulmate still survive?

Taking a breath and looking back, Stark thinks for a moment over whether he should drive right now, whether to continue his ride to the house, when a new outbreak of pain can overtake at any moment. Deciding yet to wait a little, Tony sits down on the driver’s seat and kneads his knees with trembling fingers; at similar times, when their connection is so dense, this is so obvious, Tony can still feel the tremor in his hands, as if they do not heal, as if they are not going to get rid of the trembling. And Tony really pities his soulmate, because Tony can understands how terrible it is, to lose absolute control over his fingers, because a small swing can ruin even the simplest work.

The next wave of pain rolls over when Stark is just about to call out Friday again. This sensation is like a long-standing feeling that they are hitting under the breath, but without pain, only now he feels this very pain, almost suffocating from it. And then for a moment, as if everything is stopped, goes away and is erased, as if there never was. As if the heart stopped for a moment, and Tony gasped in the air, not believing what was happening until he felt a characteristic charge of energy in his chest. The defibrillator’s discharge. Stark almost rises to his feet, when he feels that his soulmate’s heart is beating again. When he feels a new discharge of the defibrillator, striking with a blow to the chest, Tony begins to feel sick. 

“Friday, report back, now!” his scream turns out to be half-choked. “Some of them are in the hospital now… Find out who it is. What is the diagnosis? " 

"No new records were found, Boss,” AI answers in an even voice. “Most likely…”

“Fuck it, find who it is!” Stark said dryly, leaning his forehead against the steering wheel. “We had four coincidences for the accident, right? Which of the victims have the initials of the SS? " 

"Stephen Vincent Strange, former neurosurgeon at New York’s central hospital. Address…" 

"I’m going to the hospital first, I bet he’s there,” Stark says, but the engine does not start, still trying to tidy his breath and calm the migraine. “I almost found you, do you hear me?"


	24. Tony

[ ](https://ibb.co/heaL8K)

Tony has a real mess in his head, as if all his feelings and thoughts are mixed together.

Stephen Strange. Damned SS, who tormented him last months with his pain, and before that barely showed any signs of his existence. His fucking soulmate, in search of which Tony almost breaks down, because the sudden emptiness in his chest, when he almost loses his soulmate, is the last thing Stark needs right now.

Dr. Stephen Strange. Tony casually looks at the holographic image with a photo and personal information of his soulmate, trying not to be distracted from the road.

Friday reads newspaper articles about Strange’s success in surgery, about the peak of his popularity in neurosurgery and about his accident. A medical card with x-rays of his hands, a medical history and recommendations for recovery and Tony looks at it with understanding and recognition.

“There’s one thing, Boss,” says Friday, with a little doubt in her voice, and Tony regrets again that he set it up that way. “The statement of bank accounts indicates that Mr. Strange went to Kathmandu, Nepal more than three months ago, but his credit card was no longer involved, he does not appear in the reports on the registration of passengers for a plane from Nepal to the United States. I doubt that Mr. Strange will be at a hospital in New York, Boss.”

Tony does not answer, but reflects on her words. Perhaps Stephen is looking for new ways to treat his hands in a fucking other country. Perhaps he is not in the hospital, and Tony is a complete fool, thinking that finding him will be so easy. But something inside Tony pulls him into this hospital, something that itches the mark on his wrist. Tony does not know how, but he’s sure Strange is in this hospital.

The hospital is quite, almost radically different from what Stark expected to see, passing through the main entrance. The nurse at the registration desk answers the call and quickly moves to the card file, searching for the requested medical history and immediately finding it. Tony watches her for about a minute before she finally ends the conversation with someone, hangs up and turns her attention to him. He smiles at her with one of his smiles, leans sideways on the counter and asks unconcernedly:

“Can you tell me where I can find Dr. Stephen Strange?”

The nurse looks at him in surprise, frowns slightly and clears her throat:

“Sorry, but Dr. Strange is no longer working…”

“I understand, but I really need to see him.”

He folds his hands in a imploring gesture, but he still does not get an answer from her. He does not blame the nurse, because she might just not know where Stephen is. Or, perhaps, the rules do not include the dissemination of information about employees, even former ones.

“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do to help you, he’s not in the hospital,” the expression on her face is apologetic, but she immediately gets rid of this mask, as Stark steps away from her desk.

Now, heading towards the exit, he thinks that it’s all for nothing, because he does not even know what he will say to his soulmate when he finds him. What can he tell him? Ask him not to try to die anymore? Or what? Or will he himself apologize for all the pain through which he made Stephen go through? Tony has no idea. He recalls Bruce’s words that he wants to meet his soulmate at least in order to feel what it’s like to be near to one who is absolutely yours. Maybe it is this feeling, this desire that tightens the knots on their fates, drawing them to each other.

Going for a turn that leads to the exit, Tony almost catches the girl who fell out of the storeroom of the hospital. Dressed in uniform with traces of someone else’s blood on it, she is without doubt one of the doctors in this hospital, and Tony smiles a little at her as she looks up at him.

“I’m sorry, I …” she babbles, glancing around the pantry and still holding on to Tony’s lapels, as if she did not notice anything around until she finally regains consciousness. “Tony Stark? What are you … doing in our hospital? Seeing you here is equivalent to winning a jackpot.”

She already does not seem so confused, instantly assembled and still quite a bit surprised: no matter how much Stark was wounded on one of the assignments; he never appeared in hospitals, as if ignoring their existence.

“I’m looking for someone,” Tony begins, rubbing his wrist a little, “Stephen Strange, I heard he might be here.”

With the mention of this name Christine Palmer frowns, her name is on the badge that hangs on her uniform. She changing in the face; the expression becomes more frustrated, replaced by a puzzled with slight echoes of anxiety. She again looks back at the storeroom, where the shelves are filled with a variety of devices for operations and inspections, and exhales breathlessly.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, but I can not help you,” she finally says. “Stephen has not contacted me for more than four months. I’m sorry.”

Tony does not believe her. He looks at her and understands that maybe it’s worth starting to look for an approach of a slightly different type. He is not sure what he should say, usually such questions were given to him easily, but everything is different here, because he does not know exactly what he is trying to find.

“Dr. Palmer, I really need to know where he is right now,” Tony begins firmly, when he hears that Christine summoned to the intensive care unit by the loudspeaker. “It is important.”

She leaves, but stops at the last moment, obviously in order to say something, but Stark regards it as a chance that can not be missed. He steps closer, ready to listen to everything she says, maybe, if the situation demands it, and even show her the mark on his wrist.

“I have not seen Stephen for a long time. It’s true, but today… Today he showed up with a wound in the lung. I performed the operation, and he disappeared hastily. I do not know why you’re looking for Stephen, Mr. Stark, and I really hope that it’s not because he suddenly became an international criminal, because with the concentration of the ego in his blood, that might very well happen, but … I just want him to be okay. ”

Tony looks at her as if he is not ready to let her go. He is ready to listen to her again and again, if only she was talking about his soulmate. With the mention of the wound, Stark puts it all together, but the understanding that he may have missed Stephen in some miserable minutes almost knocked him out of the rut.

“Yes, I would like that, too,” Tony answers her with a faint smile. “He did not say where he could be found?”

“He said something about the temple in Nepal, some kind of magic sect that he entered, but… This is the strangest thing, Mr. Stark, he left about twenty minutes ago through the portal in that pantry, but… Shit, I need to go, but, I beg you, if he got into trouble, help him, okay?”

Tony wants to promise, but he does not have time, because Christine is already left. She leaves him alone with his confused thoughts. Temple in Nepal? Portal in the pantry? A serious wound in the lung?

“What the hell is going on, and how can I find you now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading this work! I love every one of your feedback and appreciate that you are so patiently waiting for updates! love you!


	25. Stephen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a rather difficult time and I had absolutely no opportunity to write this story, but now I have a free moment and I hasten to please you with an update. Thanks for your anticipation and support!

[ ](https://ibb.co/bQaiAf)

It feels like madness.

Stephen is sure that if he had not been familiar with magic for the past four months, he would definitely consider himself insane, perhaps even diagnosed one of the stages of schizophrenia. That's just Stephen is aware of what is happening and is understand that he does not want to participate in it all.

He once again reminds himself and three sorcerers that he came to Kamar-Taj in order to cure his hands, and not fight against the age-old evil demon of another's dimension, but no one seems to hear him. It seems like he himself does not hear himself, as if the words are empty, as if they do not exist at all. But there is this wildly galloping heart in his chest and the warmth of another person that is trying to pacify him, to calm him down.

 

Everything seems to be on an accelerated mode, and Stephen Strange is not sure whether he will be taking any break at all. Just a few hours ago, he himself lay in the intensive care unit of the hospital, and now accompanies the Ancient One there, whose condition leaves much to be desired.

Christine rolls her eyes at him, but she joins the work almost in one breath, and there is almost no time to talk with her, because the Ancient One dies before his eyes, and everything is jammed by the endless noise in his ears. And as if the wheel is rolling, Stephen has no idea what he is doing. He cannot understand what to do now. He collects himself by fragments, but he can hardly find the right pieces.

He is confused in his own thoughts, as if he entangled in a sticky web, and the last words of the Ancient One suddenly mean so much and absolutely nothing. 

Stephen frowns and wanders through the corridors of the hospital completely lost after losing the one who instructed and prompted him. It's like he is completely loses himself in this swirling cycle of events.

When Stephen sees Christine leaving the intensive care unit, he goes to her, because he needs her right now.

“Tony Stark was looking for you,” Palmer’s voice echoed through the corridor of the hospital wing in an unusually loud, and with her words, something inside Stephen is falls and breaks, merging with sorrow over the Ancient One. 

“What?” the question turns out to be dry and crumpled, as if collected from echoes of old thoughts. Tony Stark was looking for him. **_What?_**

Stephen wants Christine to say something different, but she repeats all the same words, all the same sentence that he does not want to hear. Tony Stark was looking for him **_here_**.

Stephen sighs. Tony Stark doesn’t fit into his plans; he only knocks off course and confuses thoughts. What should he do now? How should he act now? How is it okay to breathe now?

Stephen looks at Christine with a frown and pursed lips. He does not know what he wants to ask her. He seemed stuck on the realization that Tony was now so close. He did not just come, _he knows_. 

“He said why?”

“Well, he hasn’t refuted my guess that you can be an international criminal, so...” Christine smiles weakly and gently squeezes Strange’s hands in hers. "Do not tell me that the Avengers invite you to their little club." 

“Well, as I know, there were no offers to join,” he smiles back to her and feels that pleasant familiar feeling that he has lost while he was in Kamar-Taj. He missed Christine Palmer. “Is he... okay?”

Stephen doesn’t know what pulls him to ask about it, because, in fact, he shouldn’t be interested, but he has already asked a question and now admires her surprised expression. Knowing how Tony Stark looks and feels himself is not so important; this knowledge will not help anything, but suddenly Stephen wants it so much that he cannot do anything about it. 

“As always, I suppose,” Christine shrugs, “with an irresistible black eye and a pictured half-smile. And it seems like something is wrong with his hand. It is difficult to say without inspection, but his wrist is clearly worries him.”

Stephen frowns and gazes at his own hand in light surprise — he already knows what Palmer is talking about, he feels it. 

“Dislocated of the left wrist,” he says quietly, but Christine hears him anyway. “He may have gotten this dislocation after one of the battles. Maybe after fighting at the airport with his people.”

“What? How do you know?” 

“The mark, Christine,” he stretches his hand to her and looks at her as if she were a child, who disappointed him with his answer to a simple riddle. “He is my soulmate. I thought you understood this a long time ago.”

Christine groans and gives him a hefty shove in shoulder. He looks at her in surprise, but notices how she smiles sympathetically at him.

“Yes, to be associated with one of the Avengers is the last thing to be desired,” she exhales softly.

Stephen does not comment, but he understands perfectly what she is talking about. He himself no longer thinks about it. He does not think about all the pain that Tony automatically transfers to him. He thoughts now only about that this pain exists at all; that Stark is experiencing it, that he is going through it, endures time after time. Stephen still remembers that hellish pain in his body when the desire to be with Tony was so wild that he wanted to create a portal to him.

“Yes, you are right in this,” Stephen nods, gently putting hand Christine on her shoulders, “this is not the most pleasant prerogative.”


	26. Tony

[](https://ibb.co/sqVvRvY) [](https://ibb.co/M6Nnz3N)

Tony feels that he needs a rest, a real one, with a tropical climate and sun, and not a hard sofa in the corner of his workshop. Yes, he definitely needs something more serious than a break, because he feels that his nerves begin to fail. Stephen Strange is not so easy to find. As if he had suddenly stopped using credit cards and was lost between the two countries, and Tony does not understand how this can be possible.

Remembering how Christine said something about the portals, he thinks that this may well be true, but it does not help a bit. It only complicates everything twice, because Tony cannot chase the portals.

Therefore, he postpones his search and asks Friday to keep him informed if Stephen Strange’s name appears somewhere. He himself listens to the Happy report on what is happening with Peter Parker.

Speaking of the boy, Tony feels it here too, that everything is slowly but surely is heading for hell. Peter talks about some threats, alien weapons, and Tony believes that he is exaggerating. He doesn’t have much time to deal with it, at least not now.

Therefore, he thinks about India, where he will obviously be able to have a rest, at least a week, to fix his nerves.

When Tony appears on the ship right in front of Peter, his mood is out of hell, and his left wrist hurts since Wanda threw cars on him at the airport, and later in Siberia he finally damaged the ligaments. It hurts now, though not constantly, but especially strongly, reminding every time what has become with all of them.

Tony scolds Peter roughly, and sees Howard for a moment in himself. It stings him, but Tony knows that he is doing everything right. He knows that Parker will learn this lesson. At least Tony believes in it.

He takes Peter’s costume and feels how pain slowly filling his body. It is already difficult to understand whose pain it is, and, looking at Parker’s wrist with his SU mark, Tony asks spontaneously even for himself: “Does it often hurt?”

“Almost never,” says Peter, pulling on a T-shirt. His voice sounds somewhat surprised and still disappointed. “It seems that when we meet, I will be the one who gets a punch in the nose.”

Tony looks at the boy and tells him that he needs to finally understand who he is. He leaves Peter exhausted and confused, but he knows that he cannot do otherwise. Peter is an impulsive boy; he does not always understand how dangerous his every decision can be.

And for this reason, everything around Tony Stark collapses: too many things happen around to be able to completely influence something.

Tony sits in the empty living room of his own house, massaging his temples with his fingers and hears Pepper making an appointment with clients somewhere through the corridor. She looks like a predatory bird that flies from one corner of the room to another,, and for a moment Tony regrets that almost half of the walls here are made of glass and it’s almost unreal to hide here with your emotions. As now, he doesn’t want to look at Pepper at all when he himself is completely torn by his feelings.

When Tony finally decides to stop indulging in sorrowful feelings and gather himself together, he feels like his head begins to spin. He gets out of the table with difficulty, but he is not able to stand on his feet. Tony falls to his knees and finally feels the pain. The wildest pain that has ever been in his life. Pain, as if sculpted from all the pains at once, deformed, absorbing hundreds, thousands of other pains. For a damn minute, it seems to him that he is being torn to pieces, burned, incinerates into dust, and penetrates with spears and needles.

Tony barely has time to breathe when it becomes even more painful with each such long second, when he is killed from inside hundreds of thousands of times. And he is terrified of what happens when one death overlaps another. Tony can’t even think, he only knows whose it all is.

He no longer hears Pepper’s nervous and frightened voice, as he does not see her silhouette — the darkness blinds the view and he just falls into it, feeling the iron taste on his tongue.


	27. Peter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **Attention!**  
>  This part is Peter Parker's side story! You can not read it, because you will not miss anything from the main plot. So everything depends only on your interest. Another Peter’s chapter is planned, and if I manage to make collages for it quickly, it will appear tomorrow. Then we will immediately return to ironstrange. Thank you all for your love and sweet comments!   
>   
> 

[](https://ibb.co/zfkHxnd) [](https://ibb.co/8g7hL52)

Today the enchilada was especially tasty; as if flavored with a double portion of sauce. Peter stretches, finishing the last piece, and again looks at the familiar streets. On his favorite place on the roof is now extremely beautiful; the sky is in peach shades softly shimmering in mauve, and through these pastel tones bright rays of the setting sun make their way through the clouds, completing the picture.

Today is clearly some calm day, and poor Peter Parker seems to freeze in it. He gasps in the suffocating heat of that day, slows down with it and shakes his leg idly while sitting on the edge of the roof. No crimes, even minor ones, and suddenly nobody needs even the simplest help, so Peter feels as disappointment slowly begins to accumulate in him. Of course, it is not late at night, there is still so much time for which anything can happen, but the further this state of calm and tranquility comes, the more difficult it is to believe that today Spider-Man will be needed by someone.

Once again, Peter looks at the street below and thinks about a recent conversation with Mr. Stark. Suddenly it seems that he was asking about a soulmate, not only for Peter, but for himself. The topic for Peter is not so important, but even when he thinks of the letters SU on his hand, something inside him gives him pleasant warmth. He knows that there are people on whose wrists there are no names at all, that they are absolutely lonely in this world, and he is damn glad that he is not one of them. His glance involuntarily falls on his wrist, where there is a mark under the fabric of the suit, and he touches it with his fingers, feeling the outline of slightly protruding letters.

"I wonder, are you a girl or a boy? And how far are you? I wonder if we can even meet? And will we find a common ground? And how ... Ouch!"

A flash of sudden light pain just above the wrist is more likely discouraging than hurts. Peter looks surprised at the place where he felt a clear pinch, and almost hears irritated:

_"You're noisy! You're distracting me."_

It is almost impossible to understand whose voice it is, because the words are transmitted by their connection, vibrate through Peter's veins and decrypts this code in his head. And at first, Parker even jumps to his feet, but the obscure heat pouring through his veins with these words pacifies, indicates that his soulmate touches their connection.

For the rest of this boring day Peter only can think about his soulmate, as if feeling how he or she gently laughs at his reaction.

 

Peter is sure by more than one hundred percent that his SU is far away from him, clearly not from Queens, and probably not even from New York. At least, he would definitely feel it, because something constantly happens in this damn city, there are always countless numbers of wounded, and he almost never feels pain from his soulmate.

He sits in class, listening to what Ned is telling him, and stroking the letters on his wrist with his fingers. He certainly would like to meet with his soulmate, but there is not even the slightest clue to begin the search, and no matter how much he tried to repeat the incident on the roof, his soulmate no longer responded. Perhaps it was just some kind of failure, hallucination, or something like that, but Peter just can't get rid of that mocking, slightly reproachful phrase.

"Are you okay? What are you thinking about?" Ned doesn’t wait for an answer and understands everything before Peter can answer. "Does it hurt?"

"That's the point, it doesn't," Peter shrugs. "This is, of course, good, because it means that with her, well, or with him, everything is fine... But this, sort of like ... I do not know, separates us from each other even more."

Ned nods knowingly. Most people never find their soulmates, because they do not feel the tense connection, but Peter feels it and, even if it is interlaced with veins from his side, because of his pain after the battles, he feels how dense it is.

He looks down again at the letters and hears a friend's question about whether he thought how the initials on his hand could be deciphered. Peter thought of it, but there were countless options and, he did not remember any of them. Instead, he tells Ned about what happened on the roof and sees how he ignites by this news. Maybe he is already considering how to use it, how to make it work between Peter and his soulmate.

But Peter is not even listening to him. He looks up and easily finds Liz among the crowd. Would he want her name on his wrist? Yes, without a doubt. He might have given all for it, but their fates are not intertwined so tightly, and this leaves an imprint of sadness in Peter’s soul. And he understands that it is not necessary to soulmates to be together. Tony Stark himself is an example of this, because he in relationship with a woman whose initials are different from those burned on his wrist. It's encourages, but Peter still wants everything to be right. He does not want to feel himself not complete. He does not want to think about who is with his soulmate while he is with another person. And no matter how much Mr. Stark try to hide it, Peter saw in his eyes this craving, this need. He saw this look, which Tony threw at the mark on his hand, and therefore he understands it perfectly.

Because no matter how much Peter wants Liz to pay her attention to him, he realizes that he wants to meet with his soulmate more than that. His whole being requires it.


	28. Peter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attention! This is second part of Peter Parker’s side story! I remind you, that if you don't want to read it, it's okay, because you will not miss anything from the main plot. So everything depends only on your interest. We will return to ironstrange soon, I promise! Thank you all for your love and sweet comments!

[ ](https://ibb.co/n7XwR7j)

As it seems to Peter, after the spider bite, his pain threshold became higher, and he does not feel particularly severe pain from falls as sharply as other people. Therefore, he doesn’t really think about it when he is chasing a van with an alien weapon, or when he falls into the elevator shaft of the Monument in Baltimore. Or a hundred other times.

But, being on the ship, a sudden heaviness in the chest and a quiet sigh gives him a hint, rushing through all his vessels, signaling that, even if it is not that painful for him, it is clearly not easy for his soulmate.

This thought makes Peter feel ashamed that he makes someone suffer so much, but he cannot choose any other way.

 

Another reckless act, which Mr. Stark strongly urged to avoid, but which Peter can not ignore. His inner sense of justice thunders and drowns out all sounds, and therefore he escapes from the dances and pulls the only thing he has - his old suit. And suddenly it is quite unusual to be in it, but, at the same time, it is so familiar. And the sensations are as if an additional discharge of current was given to the body when another squall of blows spreads over the bones, and the memory so helpfully reminds that his SU is suffer in a painful attack now.

“Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me,” Peter says, almost choking, when he clings to the surface of Stark's plane, not very successfully, almost flying off with the idle turbine. “I know you may hate me, but you have to suffer a little more.”

He very much hopes that his soulmate hears him, that this time he will be able to touch their connection and show that he really cares, but he simply cannot do otherwise.

 

Feeling as if a chest is squeezed under pressure, as if the ribs are about to crack like dry branches, and this sigh will definitely be the last. Peter takes his mask off and tries to breathe deeply, but it turns out with difficulty, but he can not give up so simply. No way. He rises with difficulty and, finally, feels the whole spectrum of pain.

_"What are you doing?"_

Peter almost jumps up, as if everything inside him turns upside down, because he hears so distinct anxiety. His soulmate asks through the veins a question, and Peter really wants to answer it. He wants to say that he is sorry, but he is knocked down with his feet, put his head on the ground and it seems that these may well be his last words. 

_“Hey, don't you die, okay? We haven't even met yet. ”_

He hears panic, he feels so many things, and even knows that if he covers his eyes for a moment; he can draw in his imagination the approximate features of his soulmate. It seems to him that this may be a girl, and not because he would like it to be a girl, but because he feels that.

Peter only thinks about this for about a second before he notices that Liz’s father’s costume is defective.

 

Already sitting in the distance and watching the police come to the wrecked plane, Peter exhales heavily and apologizes again. This was clearly the worst of all he had to worry about, and he very much hopes that everything is fine with his soulmate. He will not forgive himself if his SU get much hurt because of him and his pain.

"You're a girl, right?" Peter says quietly, not speaking really to anyone, not even trying to convey this question to the soulmate through their connection. He leaning back his head tiredly on the tube of the roller coaster and looking into the night sky.  “I'm really sorry that you had to feel it all. Forgive me.”

He sighs and looks at the stars, hoping that he will still have the opportunity to meet his soulmate. He looks at the lights in the sky shimmering with tiny dots and can easily imagine how SH's hands with his burnt initials, that so thin at the wrists, will touch his cheeks, remove strands that fell on his forehead and press soft kiss to his lips. A quick, barely perceptible thought that Peter is not trying to hold, but which seems to heal him a little.

His whole body still aches from this battle, bones howl from minor movements and regeneration takes time, but it doesn’t bother him. He again and again repeats his apologies, hoping again to feel the response, this golden wave of light, rushing through the veins by vibration. And when he succeeds, he almost falls from his place.

_“This will be the last time I forgive you, Peter Parker!”_


	29. Stephen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we finally returned to the main story! I really hope that you still like the story, because with your feedback I want to write a lot more!

[ ](https://ibb.co/5Lb4mcM)

In the tense silence of the New York temple, the shallow crushing of the second hand of the clock bothers and annoys. Stephen wants to press his palms to this sound and drown out this ticking for a short time, so it won’t pound on his nerves.

Stephen looks at his still trembling hands and finally realizes that what is happening is not a dream; now he is the sorcerer with a levitation cloak on his shoulders, and not a surgeon. And looking at his wrists, covered with thick fabric, he thinks about last night. The sensations after the dark dimension are ambiguous, they seem to be there, but they do not seem to be, and it is difficult for Stephen to recall every death that Dormammu tried on him. He really hopes that Stark did not feel any of it, that the time period, clogged, as if taken out of the context of the universe, was able to hold back and not transmit even a tiny echo of that pain through their soulmates bond. Stephen thinks about it and understands that in no way does he want Stark to feel even the smallness of his suffering.

Sighing a little, he goes to the depths of Sanctum, getting ready to put order on the shelves, to collect shards of glass and bring the destroyed halls to their former appearance. He thinks about Tony only casually, barely touching, but still thinking, still can’t get rid of and drowns in thoughts of him every day. This is not like attraction or something like that, Stephen knows, but until the wild itches under the ribs and whines lingeringly that something is missing. Their connection seems to dissolve, it ceases to be tightly tight when there is no incident for a month, when it is only from news reports that one can find out what is happening with the soulmate. He only hears there that Stark is selling the Avengers tower and moving to a new headquarters. Stephen can only pull out bits of details from the life of his soulmate.

  


Stephen ignores the pulling feeling under his heart, tied up knots skillfully on his feelings and lives humbly. He studies mystical sciences and makes a list of threats. He plunges into this work and almost never suffocates from not feeling the usual painful cramps in his chest. And when the confused god of thunder declares himself to him on the threshold of Sanctum, and his step-brother is hovering in the fall, Stephen seems to feel how things are changing slowly. Thor is one of the Avengers, and this is like a tiny step towards Tony.

Meeting with Thor does almost nothing special; just a little formality, just a quick way for two brothers to get to their father. But this is much better than sitting idle. This is much easier than to die without Stark’s connection, without his pain through the veins.

Stephen knows, understands, and hears Wong say that such feelings are common. Somewhere deep inside buried a through that soulmates are need each other. But Strange knows that this is something else. Dangerous poison rings squeeze his heart and poison his soul with desire to be closer to Tony.

One day, Wong asks when they go for sandwiches, how Stephen is experiencing this connection and why he doesn’t take steps to meet his soulmate, but Strange doesn’t really know what to say. He is too stubborn to admit that he just can’t go first without any reason. He cannot appear on Stark’s threshold and simply declare that they are connected. Of course, he can, but what does that give him?

So Stephen replies that he is not interested.

“Do you know that Stark is engaged? Only a lazy person doesn’t talk about it,” Wong looks closely at him and Stephen knows what he is trying to do, but Strange has no response to this news.

It was really hard not to find out about Tony’s engagement, because the news feeds are choking on the oversupply of this information. Stephen himself stumbled upon this news about three days ago, and he remembers how heavy his heart beat then, how his throat dried up, how this news tightened the noose around his neck.

_It was wrong._

It was wrong to feel this flow of emotions, because Tony doesn’t owe him anything, he is free to do what he wants. The more often Stephen thinks of it, the easier it is for him to breathe, the easier it is to get out of this hole, which the mark has dug to him. They are just soulmates, nothing more, and therefore it is impossible to demand anything else, so it is dangerous to think about more.

Now Stephen mastered this ability — to crush new feelings deeply, to extinguish their bright sparks and not to think that he sometimes breaks down in memories of how Stark, through their connection, held his hands in his own and pacified the pain.

"This is not so big news for me to start…”

“The longer you sit here, the more inevitable will be that you…”

“You shouldn’t speak like you know me,” Stephen glances at him annoyed.

“You shouldn’t act like you don’t care, because it’s not good for you,” Wong successfully ignored the prickly looks and says somewhat restrained: “Stark is probably not the best candidate for soulmate, but he is your soulmate. It’s no wonder you feel something for him…”

“I don’t feel anything for him. Just close this topic already.”

Stephen interrupts the man, but he cannot get his words out of his head. He admits with difficulty that Wong may be right, that he may notice something that Strange himself does not see. But he can not accept the fact that it may be feelings for Tony Stark. This is too much, at least for now.


	30. Stephen

[ ](https://ibb.co/tm8srMb)

It seems as if he was again in the dark dimension, as if he were dying again, choking with blood in his lungs, falling into tiny flaps and burnt into sparks. The sensations are so real, so vivid, as if he standing in front of Dormammu again, as if he had gone back in time. And Stephen wants to scream, try to escape this torture, and do not expectorant blood on an unknown planet. And if this is a dream, his wildest desire to be awakened, to be torn out of this most terrible segment of his life.

Dormammu rattles above Strange and sends spikes that pierced his body so easily, as if there are no bones in it. He repeats everything in a circle, only now there are no spikes flying, now a fireball that is burns the skin and eats away the bones with hellfire. Stephen screams at the top of his lungs and breaks his voice almost to a whisper. He dies, getting rid of the pain for a moment, and then the next torture with a hail of sharp drops falls on him. Sharp drops, that poisoning the blood and cutting the flesh like a scalpel.

The pain burns out everything in him, and Stephen closes his eyes and barely restrains himself as not to howl when he feels warm palms on his cheeks.

"Hey! Everything is fine, you hear me? It's just a dream," says an unfamiliar voice, but Stephen _knows_ who it is. 

Sleepy, disheveled Tony Stark looks at Stephen with his brown eyes and makes everything stand still in Strange's body. This is not Sanctum, this is not even a room properly – what surrounds them. They are still in the dark dimension, in Stephen's dream; only the age-old demon is no more there, only they are together.

"Hello." 

Tony smiles wearily, and Stephen responds with a bewildered nod and a quiet 'hello.' 

"Not very pleasant circumstances for a personal meeting, but I pleased anyway. You are damn hard to find."

"You are extremely simple," Stephen breathes out and looks at their hands. Tony still holds Stephen’s hand in his and Strange suddenly doesn’t want to let go of him, as if lead was poured into his fingers, as if their skin were soldered to each other.

"You know, I imagined that when we met, I would surely punch you for that last incident." Tony doesn’t seem to feel any discomfort as if he too often communicates through their connection.

"Oh, Stark, I doubt that you want to start this argument." Stephen doesn’t hold back the easy reproach, because Tony really has nothing to blame him for — he sent his pain so many times through their connection.

"That was it, right?" Tony nods to the spot, where the demon was. "After this happened, I thought for a few hours that you were dead. Until I felt a shiver in my hands again."

Stephen doesn’t respond to this, gives a look that speaks for itself, obviously giving a thick hint that Tony can hardly blame him. It seems to nullify their prickly dialogue. This is strange. It is infinitely strange to see your soulmate, and not to feel him. Stephen does not know how to react, he is confused and unsettled. His whole body hurts after this nightmare, because the sensations are too hard to forget. They are still real here. Like Tony's palm that's holding his hand, as if he is not ready to let go until he is convinced that Stephen is stable.

"Bruce once told me that he wondered what it was like to meet your soulmate," Stark suddenly starts, and Stephen looks up at him. "It's nothing special, to be honest."

"Technically, we have not met yet. It is just a spontaneous outburst of either magic or our connection. It is difficult to determine right now."

Tony shrugs off the words, also lowers his gaze on their hands and does not break the touch, feeling that it is definitely better than without touching. It suddenly seems so right to sit here in a dark dimension woven from a dream and hold a soulmate by the hand. Of course, they have it more like a random touch, but it does not matter. Stephen involuntarily closes his eyes and feels Stark's fingers on his cheeks. No, now Tony does not touch him that way, but the sensations from the moment when he woke him up from nightmare do not pass, remain and seem to caress.

"How about you give me your coordinates?"

"How about I refuse?"

It seems like a pleasant game in which Stephen has no idea why the hell Tony needs his coordinates, because he doesn’t see the need for a personal meeting. Tony Stark has his own life.

"I will find it anyway," he gets the answer almost immediately and it makes him smile. He knows that Tony will not search for him.

"I doubt it."

"How about saying 'thank you'? I kind of saved you from the terrible monster that prevented you from sleeping."

Tony repeatedly starts a conversation, does not allow them to be in silence, and Stephen as if falls into this silence. It is impossible. He can not feel even more for Stark than he already feels.

Stephen freezes and feels how every second of his inner clock time trembles, how he himself is ready to shake, staying so close to Tony, who so tightly squeezes his shoulder, so deeply looks into his eyes. And as if the air is electrified. He would like to bow his head and pull his forehead to Tony's forehead, say that he _understands_ , say that it hurts all the same. He would like to slightly bow his head and stop looking at Stark's lips, stop thinking about that they can get closer, that they can kiss. But pull yourself out of this magical haze of dream is not so simple, with an indescribable struggle and eternal reminder that Tony now has a bride.

Stephen tries to be more collected, more stubborn, and he even responds with a direct look, which takes Tony's breath away.

"Good night, Stark."

  



	31. Tony

[](https://ibb.co/yQprCd3)   
  


Tony drowns himself in his thoughts, which do not let him go, biting deep into his heart. How did this happen? How to repeat this dream again? How can he see his soul mate again?

Tony torments himself, but this agony is pleasant, as if overflowing with enthusiastic anticipation: he saw Stephen, touched him, and wants to touch him again. His hands remember the warmth of Stephen's skin; they suddenly remember everything much better than Tony himself, who seemed to have already lost the connection between reality and imagination. He held Stephen's hand, right? Or did he touch his shoulder? Or maybe he touched his face? Or all at once? Did he even touch him? It seems to Stark that he did all this and did not do it at the same time, as if it was all just a dream, with the most amazingly magical dream.

 

Tony buries his face in the pillow and groans quietly, because the week has passed since he saw Stephen in his dream, and no matter how much he fell asleep, no matter how much he expected to see him again, nothing happens. 

In the first couple of days after this sudden contact, he had a fuse in his blood, that drove adrenaline through his veins, pushed him again to search, but now everything seemed to be vain. Now Tony only sighs tiredly and gives up, finally realizing that perhaps his attempts will remain fruitless, because Stephen has made it clear that he does not want to be found. It not is in the habit of Tony to retreat, but now it seems the only one decision, because Pepper in the next room is discussing with someone on the phone which date is better to choose for their wedding. She is very beautiful as always, only he, instead of being with her, is trying to find someone who does not want to be found. Pepper, a few meters away from him, is discussing the upcoming wedding, and Tony seems to be a betrayal to think of someone else. He just can't help but Stephen is suddenly in all his thoughts and in all his veins, and Tony doesn’t know what to do now.

He collects himself in small grains and tries to erase the image of Stephen from his thoughts. It seems as if he is rubbing the pain with an eraser. He slowly paints Stephen's hands with white and neutral colors in that one dream that seemed to poison and fill Stark's life with a sweet frenzy. Tony is trying to remember what they were, these hands, but he cannot. He looked then only in passing and did not pay attention to what had tormented him for more than a few months. He looked then only at Stephen, almost devoured him with a look, as if knowing in advance that this was the last time. But the more often Tony thought about his soulmate, the easier it’s to erase his image. He became more transparent, as if he disappeared from memory gradually, as if he wore out and forgotten, as all dreams are forgotten in morning.

And Tony suffocates himself, pulls himself out of the pit with a wild heartache, but returns himself to his habitual, to Pepper. But now with her suddenly quite a bit is not the same.  The poisonous idea that Pepper requires too much, eats Tony from inside. She squeezes him dry, she asks him to lose half of himself and abandon who he is been for so many years. She asks him refused the suit and lived with her calmly as an ordinary person, not as a hero. And Tony knows that this will become their stumbling block, that this will break their relationship.

Tony works with Dr. Cho and does not miss the opportunity to ask her questions; she is an excellent consultant, and a nanoparticle-based suit will be much easier to handle. Tony enjoys work and dissolves in it, and Pepper with a soft reproach reminds him that she does not want Iron Man to be part of their future life together. Tony pretends to listen; he even nods, enthusiastically developing the shape and model of the blade in a new suit.

A melancholy longing for soulmate, which does not make itself felt either by pain or by a light touch of a connection, Tony drowns out in creating a costume for Peter. It helps, it definitely saves him – losing yourself at work has always been the best option, no matter what your thoughts are.

Now work also helps to get away from Pepper's conditions, which are not at all what he wants, and to forget about the feeling that caused him to meet with his soulmate. The work has never failed him; even Howard often hid all his worries in his office, behind new projects. And as Stark already knows from his own experience, that work heals better than any time. Even if the wounds seem deadly.

He is not sure that his wounds are fatal, but they hurt wildly, because everything is not at all the way we would like. The bond with soulmate is too tight, and the bond with the future wife has become completely thinner. Here is just one too far, as if on the other planet, and the second is too close, extremely close, but as if does not give him breathing.


	32. Bruce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attention!   
> This part is a side story of Bruce Banner! The next chapter is Ironstrange, so you can just skip this one if you want, you won't miss anything from the main plot. So it all depends on your interest.  
> By the way, thank you all for your love and sweet comments!

[ ](https://ibb.co/xShkJBJ)

An alien planet seems unexpectedly ordinary. It’s like Bruce in one of the nineties sci-fi films, where makeup artists worked more than half a day on the makeup of alien creatures. It seems that if you touch the red cheek of one of the inhabitant of the Sakaar, the greasy trace of paint will remain on your finger. Of course, Bruce does not do any of this, but this idea haunts him until he hides in a narrow alley. Thor is next to him. He sits very closely and endlessly repeats the words of a lullaby, which is no longer just annoying, but it climbs under the skin with prickly needles, further feeding off a panic attack.

It all seems strange: Thor, who pats Bruce on his shoulders and smiles sincerely and reassuringly; and all these strange noisy groups of people who passing past them. It all seems strange. And suddenly it becomes easier to breathe, although panic from what is happening still squeezes his throat. Bruce wants to believe that the frantic heartbeat now will calms down, that his breath will returns to normal, but instead a lump is stuck in his throat, and his fingers tremble when Thor touches his knee.

Is this how it should be? Is this a normal reaction? Should he feel that way? Bruce does not know: he is completely confused and confident that the cause of this condition is the shock that he experienced, and not something else, not something that flows through his veins. And this feeling is not like anything that Bruce had ever felt. This feeling is not from this world. And Bruce, with a clear conscience, is ready to admit that these new sensations frighten him almost as much as the fact that he is now on an alien planet, where the inhabitants are not fiction, but real alien beings, and where the God of Thunder sits so close to him and as if specially attached to him by this sensation of fire in the veins.

 

Now Bruce does not feel anything; he looks at the motley clothes of the inhabitants of the Sakaar, at their bright and colorful skin, at all this energy of life in cramped streets, and feels the hands of Thor squeeze his shoulders. The movement is simple, intended only to not lose each other in the crowd, but for Bruce it feels like an electric shock. This causes him to stop for a moment until Thor crashes into him, almost completely knocking him down. And Bruce feels dizzy because of this; as if that green powder that was thrown at his face was not just dust, but something poisonous, something stunning.

Bruce does not like this at all; he does not like this planet, he does not like people who running around him there, he does not like that control is slipping from his fingers. He barely collects everything in his head, joins the pieces of the mosaic together when Thor turns away from him and retreats a few steps from him. They are right in the middle of a crowd spreading green dust, and Bruce is choking on the absence of Thor. This is something new, something irresistibly desired and surprising, but to reach this suddenly seems so strange.

Bruce casually lifts his sleeve slightly, looks at his wrist and feels a lump in his throat. It can not be. It's just some kind of mistake, there is no doubt. He should have guessed that these massive letters 'TO' on his wrist do not belong to anyone else, but Thor Odinson.

Why this understanding did not come to him earlier? Why everything inside him wasn't boiling when they fought with Ultron or even earlier when they were searching for the Tesseract? Why now, after these accidental touches and long looks, which seem to eagerly absorb the image of a man whom he has not seen for two years.

His soulmate. This is so stupid and so unreal. And Bruce wants to look at the letters on Thor's hand, to make sure that he was not mistaken.

 

It's hard to explain, but Bruce is sure that Hulk doesn't have a mark on his hand. It is difficult for him to explain how he knows this, but he is sure that the Other Guy does not feel the pain of his soulmate. And this is the strangest thing, because Thor's pain almost never feels.

Perhaps the reason is in his genetic code or the reason is that Thor is a god, Bruce does not know for sure. Of course, he can begin to find out and, of course, will find the answer, but he does not see much sense in it. Bruce is certain that his connection with the Thor is somehow broken, because he feels pain, but it’s muffled, as if it is covered with a ton of blankets that impede the penetration of other sensations. Bruce wants to think that this is because of the Hulk, that the gamma radiation somehow influenced their connection with the Thor, and now it is deformed and crippled. Perhaps this is the reason that he feels the pain of his soulmate with such difficulty.

To some extent this may be true, since Thor is a powerful Scandinavian god and he may not experience much pain to the extent that people feel it, but this is just one of Banner's theories. He himself can only look at the Thor, not daring to raise this issue yet, because they now have enough problems.

 

From this awareness, he feels bitterness in the tongue. Thor is his soulmate, but Bruce does not know what to do with this information now. He remembers how he spoke to Tony about wanting to know what it was like to meet his soulmate. Without a doubt, this feeling is indescribable; to feel this bond through the palms, through the skin and almost suffocate from an oversupply of feelings. This is good, but it also hurts.

The pain burns through Bruce's veins when he looks at Thor, and he thinks everything is wrong again. Their connection is as if covered with snow, wrapped in layers of sand and covered with something that is impossible to achieve.

When Thor jumps out of the ship and dealt with his pursuers, tearing out the metal panels and throws them into the lake below, it's like he doesn’t feel his pain at all. It feels like something is squeezing everything inside Bruce, when Thor declares that he will divert the attention of his bloodthirsty sister to himself. Bruce wants to argue, say that this is certain death and add that he does not want to lose what he just found, but the words here are no longer important. So he just nods.

 

It is impossible for Bruce to sit back and do nothing, when a sharp echo of pain permeates his body. The pain that belongs to Thor. And no matter how much Bruce tells himself that he makes a mistake, no matter how afraid he is to go where there can be no return, he knows that for the sake of Thor he has to do at least something.

And then his left eye hurts like hell, almost explodes with fiery pain, and it seems to Bruce that he hears Odinson’s scream in his ears, that he feels every burning anger and pain in his body. He struggles to stay on his feet, feeling the blood flowing through his veins, electrified, flashing with lightning through their connection. A terrible wild pain that turns him into the Hulk.

 

Everything is foggy and wildly filled with warmth when he wakes up on a spaceship, where Thor sits in front of him and look irresistible happy and saddened at the same time. They won, but at the cost of losing Asgard.

Thor puts his hands in front of him; mutters a calming delirium, even starts a lullaby again, but Bruce can only look at his wrist, where he clearly sees his own initials. He wants to ask if Thor knew that this thread binds them together, whether he felt this distorted connection. But Bruce does not ask anything, only holds his palms on Thor's shoulders longer, because suddenly he does not want to let him go. No matter how much Bruce convinces himself that this may be a mistake, that there are no such coincidences, he realizes that he will not be able to look at the Thor differently. He will not be able to look at him without this inexplicable feeling of devotion and this desire to step forward and press his forehead to Thor’s shoulder. He wants to see his wide smile, which warms all the ice in the chest brighter than the sun.

But Bruce restrains these impulses, just as he restrains the Hulk, and therefore exhales sadly:

"So this is why it was so painful," he pulls his arm forward and touches Thor’s left cheek, right under the empty eye socket. "Probably the brightest pain of all time is..."

"Forgive me, Banner." Thor's voice is mixed with the satisfaction of victory and a slight feeling of guilt. "I..."

Bruce really wants to know exactly what Thor was going to say, but the Valkyrie reports about incoming signal from another ship, and this possibility disappears, as if it did not exist, because now there is no time for questions about soulmates.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [My Heartbeat in Yours (Your Breath in Mine)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15345054) by [ThisUsernameTaken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisUsernameTaken/pseuds/ThisUsernameTaken)




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